PART TWO

MODERNIST SUCCESS

The chorus is TEMPORARILY empty as LOUD enthusiastic applause plays.

The CHORUS slowly replenishes

CHORUS
Maurice!

WOMEN
The bastard hired Maurice!

MAURICE
What can I say? I'm you but better.

MEN
It's a good show. The best of '75.

WOMEN
Well you have to admit that.

MEN
You can't deny that.

CHORUS
And did you see how they move?

WOMEN
It might even be profound.

MEN
Who knows.

CHORUS
We won't even consider it!

WOMEN
But it is pretty good!

CHORUS
It's gorgeous!

MEN
It'll probably run a million years.

MOTHER
If you'd written things like that…

ANNE
The perfect balance between commercial and human

PRODUCER
I bet it'll make dough in licensing.

ANNE
It really is remarkable.

CHORUS
13 years your junior…

MEN
What about you Geoff?

WOMEN
What have you been doing Geoff?

CHORUS
Surely it is just as profound, meaningful, and fulfilling as his!

The set shifts into that of a sitcom. People with cameras and a bored director are off to the side.
Carson and a member of the ensemble, who is playing his wife, are sitting on a couch.
CARSON
'honey, I'm just not sure if we can afford to keep the dog'

A bell rings and GEOFFREY enters the set, running in. He is a doofus, banker character, and he leans over them for a moment in what's supposed to be funny.

GEOFF
'If you need money, do I have a deal for you!'

WOMAN
'Oh, not Mr. Baker'

CARSON
'Shoo, shoo, we don't need a loan'

CARSON comedically pushes GEOFFREY off out the door.
The studio audience is dying from laughter.

DIRECTOR
Cut! Okay. Alright. That is what it is.

The ensemble member heads off to entertain the studio audience, and GEOFFREY enters the set from the door he was just pushed out of.

GEOFFREY
That was awful.

CARSON
You're losing your touch! I haven't seen you around, what's been happening?

GEOFFREY
Well, I'm working on a show.

CARSON
Are you doing research by working with the common actor?

GEOFFREY
No, I just need to be able to pay my mortgage… Oh, I just signed onto a new series. I'm not supposed to tell.
CARSON
Is the pay good?
GEOFFREY
It's this new soap– Did you ever hear of Fabric Girls?-- Same team.

CARSON
I have never heard of that, is it a big deal?

GEOFFREY
I'd never heard of it either. Well, the producer rear ended me last year, and we got to talking… It's called The Town of Harley. I play the title character, Town.

CARSON
Well, that is just remarkable.

GEOFF
What about you?

CARSON
They want me for another western. They're back in style, you know?

GEOFF
That's fantastic.

CARSON
I'm not doing it.

GEOFF
What?

CARSON
It's not like I need the money, and it's not real fun.

GEOFF stares at him.

You know, we have never discussed religion.

GEOFF
Carson, where are we?

CARSON
on the set of a soon to be canceled television series.

GEOFF
Yes, sir. Now, friend, is that the sorta place to discuss religion?

CARSON
You've just never talked to me about it. And I've met your family, and we've known each other for close to 30 years, but we've never discussed whether you believe in God.

GEOFF
it's not something I discuss on the set of a soon to be canceled television series.

CARSON
"O'Doherty", you're from Chicago: you're Catholic. I get it. You're inherently cautious of this subject, but I think I would love to discuss it with you.

GEOFF
I'm not Catholic.

CARSON
Well then.. Trzebiatowski, that's Polish- the Jewish type Polish? Oh, Geoff, I- no. That's not true.

GEOFF
I'm not Jewish.

CARSON
You are allowed to call yourself an atheist. That's why we're having this discussion.

GEOFF
we're not having this discussion.

CARSON
you and I have seen the absolute depths of each other, I don't understand why you get so–

GEOFF
There is a lot about me that you don't know because you don't need to know it.

CARSON
You know almost everything about me, Geoff.

GEOFF
That's unfortunate. Friend, I'm going to go, because I–

CARSON
Come on, man, this is important to me. I have just joined this new congregation--

GEOFF
(after a moment)
You're a good man.

CARSON
I will try. Well, I've been trying. Did you know this is the first role I've taken in two years? Nothing, and I mean nothing, nowadays is wholesome. It's all murder and sex and bosoms and queers and more murder. I swear, you turn on the television and it's like every program is the evening news. I just want to be a wholesome figure, someone kids can look up to.

GEOFF
Ah, I'm sure they do. Look Up to you.

CARSON
Means a lot. Well, I'll call you.

GEOFF
Don't, I'm flying back to New York tonight.

CARSON
You're kidding. Are you going to see Maurice's new show? What was it called? Kissing Me Quickly?

GEOFF
I've already seen it.

CARSON
What did you think?

GEOFFREY
I'm flying to New York to talk with the producer of my next show. He hasn't decided whether to open previews here or in Boston.

CARSON
I'd vouch for this.

GEOFF
So would I. Make my life easier.

CARSON
What's the show about?

GEOFF
Women.

CARSON
A subject you're proficient in, no doubt.

GEOFF almost starts to laugh.

I can never remember, are you married? Was it to some random lady? That's why I don't remember. If she isn't a star, I forget her face.

GEOFF looks at him blankly. Then shakes his head.

You're a lonely fella, man. But so am I. I'll see you soon, I hope.

CHORUS
The world is full of people less aware than you could ever expect.

GEOFF
Wait.

We transition to a BIG party:
JACK'S HOUSE.
Rich People are around smoking anything you can imagine, snorting more coke than should be physically possible, etc.
Mixed in with this crowd is:
Rod & Louis, Anne, Boy Wonder, Jack, and Olive.
Jack is in the corner, on the phone.

OLIVE
I can't explain his genius. If I could explain his genius, I wouldn't be standing here right now, now would I? It's natural, it's human, it's like explaining why people love each other. We just do.

ROD
It is remarkable to me that people forget how fickle this industry is. Some people have it, and some don't. And he clearly does.

BOY WONDER
I am riding off his shirttails more than you could ever imagine. Really. He is the most remarkable person that I know.

JACK
Well could you tell him– Don't interrupt me. Don't fucking interrupt me! I will use whatever language I want, do you know who I am?

LOUIS
(popping a pill)
We have our creative differences, and I prefer to work with the devils I know. But when he… tones down, which young people always do, I'm sure we'll all work with him again.

ROD
Louis and I come in a pair. My sister is optional.

OLIVE
No, I don't have any plans to leave the show. At least until I have something else planned. And I know that I want to be around talented people, and they're talented people.

BOY WONDER
My wife loves me doing this. She knows how important it is that I leave something behind, you know, a legacy, something that really represents me, and can carry that through the next generation… I mean, other than my daughter… We're separated, but only because of how busy I am right now.

JACK
What if I wanted to HAVE HIM STAR IN MY NEXT MUSICAL? Would you lose that 20%? Fuck off, no you wouldn't– WELL MAYBE I DO, I WOULDN'T TELL YOU!'

ROD
Oh, yes, Rod and Louis do have a show in pre-production. Geoff is one hell of a collaborator.

LOUIS
If he was focused on this, I can't imagine how… how…

OLIVE
Though, honestly, sometimes I wonder if after I leave Kissing Me Quickly, if I should take a few years, go back to Chicago… me and Jack, I mean. Give ourselves a break.

BOY WONDER
I honestly haven't been composing much– No, no, that's wrong, just not for any real solidified project. Jack and I are always working! Always. It's just solid yet.

JACK
Well, you tell Mr. O'DOHERTY!! THAT I AM EXTREMELY SORRY AND THAT I WOULD LIKE TO GET LUNCH WITH HIM NEXT TIME HE'S IN THE CITY! FUCK YOU!

He slams the phone down, and goes to snort some lines. BOY WONDER gets up to go after him.

OLIVE
Of course I'm enjoying this. Everyone who is anyone comes to me and asks me to read for their shows, and tells me that I have the best legs on the stage right now, and that I am so lucky to be working with… the geniuses of the new generation. Who wouldn't be happy with that?

ROD
Really, I mean, Jack got his start with us, and look where he was.

LOUIS
And so did the composer, really…

ROD
He was my assistant.

OLIVE
But it's hard work… hard and… so fulfilling, when I'm under those lights and there are flowers for me in my dressing room, and I see the face of a million different people I could've been. It's hard to realize that I'm the one here.

Anne grabs a rando (COKED UP THEATRE FAN) and stops her to talk.

ANNE
(lighting a cigarette)
You know, it isn't who you are, it's how you know the host. That's all it is. In every situation. You aren't a person, look at me, you are not a person.

COKED UP THEATRE FAN
Hey, I know you! You just had that flop, about the freight trains?

ANNE
Precisely. That's exactly who I am. Ta-ta.

COKED UP THEATRE FAN goes.

BOY WONDER
Hey, that's a lot.

JACK
I was raised to never waste– I'll cut you one. Give me a second.

BOY WONDER
Who were you yelling at on the phone?

JACK
My dealer is a psycho. Here.

BOY WONDER sighs and snorts the line.

BOY WONDER
Dear God. I'll never be used to that.

JACK
His agent doesn't even want to talk to me.

BOY WONDER
Oh, you've upgraded from leaving him 5 messages a week.

JACK
IT'S PATHETIC! I want to apologize to him and he won't let me, and– I call this asshole every day and we have gotten nowhere. I don't get it.

BOY WONDER
You should leave him alone.

JACK
Oh, fuck off. I want Geoff for my next show! I want him and I'm going to get him!

BOY WONDER
You're not going to get that by screaming at his agent!

JACK
I DON'T EVER GIVE UP!

Jack goes off. Boy Wonder follows.

ANNE
Hey, you, Star of the century.

OLIVE
Anne Burnett.

ANNE
She's more afraid of you than you are of her.

OLIVE
You are a force.

ANNE
So are you, clearly. One party. Can't remember the last time I saw this much air.

OLIVE
(giggling)
I wish they'd all leave so I could go to sleep.

ANNE
That's the trick to it.

OLIVE
Could we get dinner? Some time. I've always admired you. What you've done for women, I mean. Really. I want to do that.

ANNE
What have I done for women? Really, what I've done is for men. We already know what we can do.

OLIVE
I never did.

ANNE
Do you know what you could do now?

OLIVE
From here?

ANNE
From here?

OLIVE
There's nowhere else to go.

ANNE
(lighting another cigarette)
Exactly it, you're one smart girl.

She kisses her on the cheek.

JACK returns, BOY WONDER following.

JACK
HELLO! HELLO! NOW I HAVE A QUESTION FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU THAT I NEED YOU TO ANSWER! HOW UTTERLY PATHETIC IS IT TO IGNORE ME FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN A PETTY DISAGREEMENT!

ANNE
He's learned some big words.

OLIVE
Oh, not this shit again.

JACK
FUCK HIM, RIGHT? RIGHT? LET'S FUCKING PARTY!

He goes off, a hoard of people follow.

ANNE
He's handling fame well.

BOY WONDER
He's handling everything well.

LOUIS
He'll grow out of it.

ROD
He definitely will.

ROD and LOUIS go.
ANNE
Not.

OLIVE
What happens when the rest of the world catches wind of this?

BOY WONDER
Shit.

ANNE
Nothing.

BOY WONDER
He's probably going off to California.

OLIVE
Not with all of them?

BOY WONDER
No. He'll pick them up on his way.

OLIVE
I'm going to pretend that you're lying.

ANNE
What? Are you both fucking him?
(lighting another cigarette)
Oy, this new generation.

OLIVE
I can dance like a motherfucker, I can choreograph just as good as him, I am obedient and smart, and efficient and talented and look where I AM! This is fucking ridiculous.

BOY WONDER
Don't act like you're not using him just as much as he's using you!

OLIVE
He's squandering me.

BOY WONDER
All I'm saying is that you turn on him way too easily! He gave you everything.

OLIVE
And who gave you this, kiddo?

BOY WONDER
I knew what I was doing! I knew where I wanted to be and I'm right here.

OLIVE
And I didn't?
BOY WONDER
You went to an audition!

OLIVE laughs wildly, kicks her shoes off, and goes into the other room.

ANNE
I bet she is great in bed.

BOY WONDER
It's always the same 4 people, everywhere we go.

ANNE
And soon you'll be the fifth.

BOY WONDER
I haven't written a song in 5 months.

ANNE
You already are.

ANNE gets up.
Just because there's nowhere up doesn't mean you can't pivot.

BOY WONDER
Is that why you're going to London?

ANNE
No, I just love making awful musical comedies.

She goes as we transition:
We transition into:

A producer's office. In New York. The PRODUCER is smoking a cigarette and on the phone, he is nodding and giving "uh-huhs" between trying to reach the ashtray.

Also in the room are ROD and LOUIS. Rod is smoking and leaning, watching with a coolness unparalleled. Louis is sitting, looking terrified. He takes what seems to be a handful of valium.

Geoff is sitting next to Louis, watching him while he listens to the producer.

The producer accidentally tips the ashtray over and doesn't stop to pick it up, he keeps "uh-huh ing" into the phone, until:

PRODUCER
Well, good luck to you, Mr. Shepherd.

He hangs up the phone and holds his face for a moment, shocked and angry.

LOUIS (the true empath he is) is immediately made distraught, Rod comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder.

PRODUCER
I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that the show has already got eyes and ears aimed toward it.

LOUIS
(VERY upset)
What's the bad news?

PRODUCER
We lost the star and the director.

GEOFF
What? Were they in a plane crash?

PRODUCER
It would be better press if they did.

LOUIS bursts into tears.

They got married and ran off to Acapulco. After trying to assassinate a sitting senator.

CHORUS
It's always the heterosexuals

GEOFF
What sitting senator?

ROD
They're under contract, we delay the show a few months and get them back.

PRODUCER
Look at us, interrupting true love for our little musical.
(He lights another cigarette)
We're going to be torn apart.

Louis is sobbing. No one acknowledges this.

GEOFF
I don't know how much longer the other actors will be willing to wait. We told each and every one of them that we'd be starting rehearsals "May 1976, day to be decided" and we're approaching.
(To Rod)
The show we met? Well, if Anne had waited 2 more weeks to start production, I would've left. We all would've left. And that was '53, we were all much more patient then.

ROD
This younger generation of actors is about to riot. That's what.

PRODUCER
I can try to find us a director and I can try to find us a star-

ROD
We all know people.

LOUIS
Everyone's in a project, Rodney. All of them. Every person we know.

ROD
Geoff.

GEOFF
Ash-
(He stops himself)
I'll ask around.

PRODUCER
What about- about your sister? to direct? What's she up to, Rod?

ROD
She's got a new show… In London.

The PRODUCER sighs.

LOUIS
She hates Geoffrey too.

GEOFF
As a collaborator, not as a person… just to explain.

ROD
Okay. Well. This meeting has left us with many answers and no solutions.

PRODUCER
As they often do.

CHORUS
Maybe it isn't meant to be.

We transition to:
Geoff's house.
Mary is sitting, perked like a bird, on the second to last step of the risers, alongside the chorus, though she is the only one active.

The house is cluttered with boxes, as Geoff types something across the room.

The television is playing in the other room.

It is Mid 1976, and Geoff looks awful.

VOICE
Next up, after the late news is Silly Mouse House starring Carson Carlson.

GEOFF
Bad time slot, dead in the water.

He keeps typing.
Outside, we can hear rain.

MARY
May 29th.

GEOFF
There's still two days left.

He gets up and pours himself a tall glass of bourbon, filling it all the way to the top.

May 29th… St Paul becomes the pope. Wisconsin became a state. Raisin In The Sun is in cinemas.

MARY
Good use of that fantastic memory. Trivia.

GEOFF
You're passive today.

MARY
You're alone. It's raining. You're drinking. Your show has been canceled.
(She stands)
I don't have to say it.

GEOFF
I have to finish this draft first.

MARY
Half-finished might be fun.

GEOFF
Then I'll call Morgan.

MARY
More sleeping pills?

GEOFF
No.

He tops up his drink.

MARY
That feels excessive.

GEOFF
You don't care.

MARY
It's bad to drink on an empty stomach.

GEOFF
I'll let myself sleep when I finish this draft.

MARY
We're not talking about sleeping.

GEOFF
I can talk about whatever I please.

There is a knock on the door.
He sits down and continues typing.

May 30th. The memorial day massacre.

MARY
How many dead?

GEOFF
10. Union guys.

MARY
Could've been your father.

GEOFF
Should've been.

Another knock. He stops for a moment.

That's cruel. No one deserves to die.

MARY
Except for you.

He stops typing and looks at her.
The knocking is more frantic.

GEOFF
You could try harder.

MARY
I'm only as creative as you are.

GEOFF looks at the door. He's frightened.

GEOFF
I'm much more creative than that.

GEOFF sits down on the sofa.
As the knocking turns into banging,
He sits on the floor.

MARY
Face it.

GEOFF
What if he has a weapon? A gun?

MARY
How do you know it's a man?

GEOFF
She could have a gun.

MARY
Bleeding out on the carpet.

GEOFF
I don't know what they'd do.

MARY
No reason for them to be after us.

GEOFF
People do that, they terrorize people.

MARY
Just wait it out?

GEOFF
What else can I do?

MARY
This is silly.

GEOFF
I'm a very silly person!

He stops himself and cowers.

MARY sits back down on the risers.

The banging stops, and then:

DELAYNA
(from behind the door)
GEOFFREY!! GEOFF!! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.

GEOFF looks up.

GEOFFREY! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.

GEOFF gets up.

MARY
Could be someone with a similar voice.

DELAYNA
PLEASE, HONEY!

GEOFFREY grabs a coffee table book.
Then he goes to the desk and grabs a pair of scissors.
He puts them both down and unplugs the lamp and picks it up.
He puts it down and grabs the book and the scissors.

He goes to the door.
He opens it.

In comes a rained on Delayna.
GEOFF stares at her.

DELAYNA
What's going on?

GEOFFREY puts the book and scissors down and takes her coat.

GEOFF
You caught a rare May rainstorm.

DELAYNA
I sat in that airport, ran around the entire place, waiting for you. For four hours.

GEOFF
What? Oh. Oh my god.

DELAYNA
I called you from about every pay phone I could find, as many times as I could.

GEOFF
I've had someone calling me left and right the past–

DELAYNA
I finally take a very expensive cab all the way up here, and you leave me out in the rain.

GEOFF
I forgot you were coming– oh, god. I'm so sorry. Do you want coffee? To warm you up, I mean. Not that it's a particularly cold rain–

DELAYNA
It's too late for coffee.

GEOFFREY
I'm so sorry.

DELAYNA stops.

DELAYNA
This is so quaint. Very quaint. I've never seen anything quite as quaint as this.
Except for you.

GEOFF
It's messy.

DELAYNA
But so quaint… Are you drinking a glass of bourbon?

GEOFFREY
Do you want one?

DELAYNA
No.

GEOFF
I only drink once a week, I have to make up for all the days I miss.
I should apologize for the boxes– oh, and I'll have to set up the guest room. There are more boxes in there, I guess I'll put them here. Or maybe in the kitchen.

DELAYNA
You really forgot I was coming…

GEOFFREY
It slipped my mind.

DELAYNA
Since when does anything slip your mind?

GEOFF
I've been very busy. They delayed my next show, and I just signed on to do a soap.

DELAYNA
They delayed your show– Oh, right, right I heard about that. I think it's very unfair.

She lights a cigarette.

It's not that anyone cares about that senator. I mean, he was from Utah.

GEOFFREY
He brought the star with him. That's the problem.

DELAYNA
Well that's very rude of her to be an accomplice when so many people depended on her.

GEOFF
How's Tennessee?

DELAYNA
It's home.
Oh, Geoff, it's wonderful. I've got myself this wonderful place 20 miles south of Nashville… it used to be my grandmother's, and it's so quiet, so quiet, and I've got a job at the local grocery store, just to pass the time… I'm thinking about getting a little doggy…

GEOFFREY
Wow.

DELAYNA
You wouldn't be able to stand it. You'd be out yelling in the streets just to hear your own voice.

GEOFF
I just can't imagine being alone like that.

DELAYNA
I have friends. I play bridge with some ladies, I go to the tiny little bar. I… smile at the shopkeepers. It sure isn't lonely.

GEOFFREY
There has never been a moment where you don't enthrall me, darling. You're magical.

DELAYNA
Thank you.

GEOFF
You want something to eat?

DELAYNA
No.
You know, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean you have to be so derisive about it.

GEOFFREY
What was I being derisive about?

DELAYNA
You think that this is life?

GEOFF
It's one type.

DELAYNA
You seem to think that it's the only life, I'm noticing.

GEOFF
I think, Delayna, that you've spent your life… settling, and I just can't imagine why you'd settle now that you have all the world available to you now.

DELAYNA
Honey, I think you could do with settling. You're almost 45.

GEOFFREY
Don't remind me. 4 months and 26 days.

DELAYNA
I'm being serious, Geoff.

GEOFF
I'm on the upswing.

DELAYNA
You are almost 45, and you've been doing this for years. Never married, living alone. Signing onto a soap opera… writing things that don't go anywhere. Nothing for you to recreate, you're just the same old Geoff you've always been. I love my life, I love the choices I've made, I don't regret anything, I don't think it's in your right to pity that.

GEOFFREY
I can get you on the next plane to Nashville.

DELAYNA
I love you, Geoff.

GEOFF
I love you, Delayna. You're very dear to me.
I really need to go through all this stuff. I mean, I've been putting it off. I've had it in storage, but I decided, well, I've got to finally go through it, and so I brought it here and then I haven't had the time to go through it. No matter what they say, I know Ma had to have some things that Tony or Phil or Pete or Bob would want. Photos. Something.

DELAYNA
They didn't want it.

GEOFF
I didn't want the house.

DELAYNA
And yet they were mad you sold it… oh, those boys… I'm glad I'm divorced from it all.

GEOFF
It's funny. Very funny.

DELAYNA
You should come to visit me.

GEOFF
Once things calm down.

DELAYNA
Geoff.

GEOFF
I'll try.

DELAYNA
Do you promise?

GEOFF
I can consider promising.

DELAYNA
Geoff.

GEOFF
Delayna?

DELAYNA
I am so happy.

She goes to put her things down in the other room.

MARY
Do you think she knows?

GEOFF
What?

MARY
It's not that hard of a question. I mean, you could do it tonight.

GEOFF
Not while she's here.

MARY
It'll be better with her here.

GEOFF
She's been through it before.

MARY
This time will be different. This time we really mean it.

GEOFF
I really mean it– you really mean it.

MARY
You're the one doing this to me.

GEOFF
I don't mean anything.

MARY
I didn't do this. I never did. You owe me this. You owe
(She gestures to the chorus)
Them this.
(She gestures to the audience)
Them.

GEOFF
I have to set up the guest room.

He goes.

CHORUS
She'll never forgive you.

We transition:
A TV interview.
TALK SHOW HOST sits.

TALK SHOW HOST
Ladies and gentlemen, she is the star of the DINOSAURS IN VAST EMPTY SPACE, a multi-talented actress, and model, and she just only recently turned 18, please welcome Ms. Ashley Stevens Jr.

Enter Ms. Stevens

Ms. STEVENS
Oh, thank you, thank you.

TALK SHOW HOST
You are possibly the most talented young performer alive right now.

Ms. STEVENS
I would really love to believe that. I recently caught the tail-end of my mother's 1948 film Millipedes in America and, well, I haven't lived up to that yet.

TALK SHOW HOST
Do you find it hard to live up to the standard?

Ms. STEVENS
It's not typical for me to be compared to her.

TALK SHOW HOST
Despite your name?

Ms. STEVENS
Despite my name.

TALK SHOW HOST
Your character in the DINOSAURS trilogy, she is one, biting, sexy, figure. Do you find that intimidating?

Ms. STEVENS
Well, I'm quite good at it, aren't I?

Laughter.

Hans is a fabulous director. He could make me into anything.

TALK SHOW HOST
Do you agree that he's the defining voice in Cinema right now?

Ms. STEVENS
Of course I do. He's the defining voice, and I'm the defining look.

Laughter.

And, well, I sorta have to.

She reveals a large engagement ring, the audience and TALK SHOW HOST gasp.

TALK SHOW HOST
When did you get engaged?

Ms. STEVENS
Last night.

TALK SHOW HOST
And so you're breaking the news here.

Ms. STEVENS
Before the tabloids get it.

TALK SHOW HOST
Well, we thank you for the announcement, here, on this television.

Ms. STEVENS
I'd do anything for you, Joe.

TALK SHOW HOST
What's next for Ms. Stevens? Now that the trilogy is over.

Ms. Stevens
Well, I'd love to keep working with Hans. But I'm also really interested in heading to the stage.

TALK SHOW HOST
Taking after your mother?

Ms. Stevens
I've always wanted to be on the stage. When I was a small girl, I remember being in the front row at one of my mother's shows, looking up at her, and it was really just the most magical thing in the world. But Hans will always come first.

TALK SHOW HOST
Do you think a Broadway show is in the future for you?

Ms. STEVENS
I have a writer, a librettist, in mind, that I would want to write it.

TALK SHOW HOST
And do you think he will?

Ms. STEVENS
I think, no matter what, I'm going to be a multi faceted star.

we transition:
Back to Geoff's house.
October 25th 1976.

A busy party. Hollywood types intermingle with no one's. Carson is noticeably not there.
Rod and Louis are in attendance.
CHORUS
And time keeps going on, with nothing changing, but nothing staying the same.

CARSON and Ms. Stevens GEOFF enter.
We are at a party.

GEOFF is leaning on the wall, holding a drink. Throughout the scene he gets more and more intoxicated.

ROD approaches him. LOUIS is eavesdropping from a bit away.

ROD
It's good to see you. Good to see you've bounced back from the news about the show.

GEOFF
I wonder that myself. How's your sister? I went to London when I was a kid, before the war, I was probably 5. I hated it. Probably because I'm Irish. Or at least my mother is.

ROD
She wrote me and said, "if this is the future of theatre, we're screwed"

GEOFF
As positive as ever.

ROD
Her son is in love with everyone's favorite choreographer–

GEOFF
No one likes choreographers– what son? The stage manager?

ROD
Yes.

GEOFF
I'd kill myself.

ROD laughs.

ROD
How does it feel to be 45?

GEOFF
You should know.

ROD
What? No. I've been 44 for 4 years now. This is a nice party.

GEOFF
Truth be told, I forgot it's happening.

ROD
Ah, so you didn't bring the coke. How are the rewrites going?

GEOFF
Got the cast to half its size. Which, I believe, will cut its eventual run likewise.

ROD
I should get Louis and we should perform some of it. See how they react.

GEOFF
They're yes-men.

Carson approaches.

CARSON
Geoff, did I tell you that I got a three picture deal? Lizards In the Water one through three.

ROD
Good on you.

Carson leaves.

He's an idiot.

GEOFF
My college roommate.

ROD
And a hot one.

GEOFF
Believe me, I was agonized as a 17 year old.

He finishes his drink and hands the glass to Rod.

Be a good composer and get me another drink.

ROD
I'll get Louis.

Rod goes.
Jack enters the party, he is high on something and followed by the decidedly sober, Adam.

Adam is subdued compared to Jack's energy, and coherent. He is funny, he is charming, and he is handsome.
Tonight, Adam is trying to keep Jack down, keep him from causing a ruckus. He's not very good at it.

JACK
Well, this is a party!

The room gets quieter as everyone looks at him, and then at GEOFF.

Hey best man! I dig your place.

Jack gives GEOFF a big hug.

Long time no see, how's the show going? Bad, I heard! It stopped production, right? but correct me if I'm wrong. You're looking great for your age.

GEOFF shakes his hand, very casual. Calm.

Listen, Mr. Hollywood, soon you won't be the only one doing movies. I know that once they realize that the best director alive is open to movies, they'll be sending me offers. Maybe you can give me some pointers. From an actor's perspective.

GEOFF
I don't think so.

JACK
That is a shame. And don't worry, I may have been uninvited to this bash but that doesn't mean I came empty handed.

Jack takes out a bag of cocaine and puts it on the piano.

Coke is the best gift one can give another.

He laughs wildly and then goes off to chat with someone else.

The room goes back to normal as Louis and Rod enter from the other room.

Louis notices Jack and his jaw drops, but Rod gestures him over to the piano.

Rod sits down and starts to play. He plays a long vamp, to quiet the room, and then it goes too long, and then Louis begins to speak.

LOUIS
(Having LOTS of fun but nervous)
So, the lead of our little show is this little lady, who grew up in a small New Hampshire town. Very small and very New Hampshire. And she is a dancer, and a performer, who has been living There for a very long time. and she wants more. She has two kids, who do not like her, and her husband just got up and ran away. I know, tragic.

What's even more tragic is that our star and our director ran off to Mexico! No bueno!

As Louis begins to sing, Ms. Stevens shouts out loud:

MS. STEVENS
I'd take the role!

LOUIS
Honey, you're much too young!

MS. STEVENS
I can act much older.

LAUGHTER.
The room goes dark, GEOFF stands alone under a spotlight.

Mary enters.

MARY
(Imitation of Ashley)
We're crossing paths again, Geoff.
It's a dangerous industry. You can keep her safe. Safer than us, than you.

GEOFF
She's too young for the role.

MARY
So were you. Time and time again. You've got to save her.
(With a wild laugh)
and she's cute as hell, I'd love for her to play me.
or, what is it? you?

SPOTLIGHT on Jack and Ms. Stevens, together.

JACK
If he won't cast you, believe me that I will. You are just terrific.

SPOTLIGHT off Jack and Ms. Stevens.

MARY
(Sweetly)
And besides, the show is dead in the water. Without a star. Well, the other option is for you to go down with it… There's a swimming pool in the complex across the road, Geoff. I think she'd be wonderful. Imagine how remarkable that would be, Geoff, if you made something out of nothing again. Show them the hand of God.

SPOTLIGHTS on ROD and across the room, LOUIS

LOUIS
From an outsider's perspective, it would be a great draw. To the audience.

ROD
We can make her look older with makeup, right?

SPOTLIGHTS off on Rod and Anne.

GEOFF
It's a choice.

MARY
When was the last time you made one of those?

SPOTLIGHTS OFF on Mary, Ashley, and Geoff.
SPOTLIGHTS on ADAM and JACK.
Jack is hurting.

ADAM
What is your intention here? I don't understand what you think you were going to get out of this.

JACK
Why do you think that you have any right to tear me apart?

ADAM
Look, you called me.

JACK
I called you! I called you! I brought you here because you're NOTHING! And wanted to HELP YOU!

ADAM
Help me by crashing this guy's party? What the fuck are you on?

JACK
Get hit by a truck, you dumb motherfucker. And you can find your own way back to Chicago. I am a multi TONY AWARD WINNER!!! Fuck you.

Jack goes. Lights up:
The party has ended. Everyone but ADAM and GEOFF are gone.
GEOFF is asleep at the writing desk.
The room is trashed.

Adam begins picking things up.

GEOFF wakes up and watches him for a moment, until they look at each other.

ADAM is nervous.

GEOFF
I recognize you.

ADAM
I should go. You know, he- Jack, I mean, he just pissed me off and you know… I tried to talk him out of this. I tried to discourage this. I didn't know… he called me up and said, "I'm looking for real estate for my next studio in Los Angeles, you were the best dancer I met in Chicago" and well, I just got my real estate license, and well I'm a dancer, was a dancer, so I know what the right questions are. And so I quit my job, didn't even give a two weeks notice, just walked right into my boss's office and told him I was going to Los Angeles. You should've seen his face. Anyways, I came all the way down here for him and it turns out there are 4 other people with him, all dancers! All in this presidential suite. I have no idea how he affords it! And he's just been down here, around, since he won that award! And, well there's no looking at real estate. What it is, well it's, it's just all orgies all the time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm no prude, I like orgies, but sometimes you just want to talk about real estate. So now I just have to go back to Chicago, without a job, and talk to my roommates, who depend on me for rent, because well, they're all still trying for the actor's life, and I'm the square, they're waiting tables. But I go back there and it's like, I'm the crazy one, I ran off with a guy I've only met once.

GEOFF
Who are you?

ADAM
You really know how to put them back. My dad's a few years older than you, and well, he can't handle his liquor like he did when I was a kid. One drink puts him to sleep.

GEOFF
Where did I meet you?

ADAM
At this party… no, no, you're right! We met once before. Jack brought me around. I'm Adam Benedetti, but I feel like I know more about you than you know about me.

GEOFF
What do you know?

ADAM
What do you know? Nothing. That's what. Andddd I know that you're.. 45. You were born in… Chicago.

GEOFF
Bloomington, actually.

ADAM
That you've written one musical and one play, both premiered on Broadway. Which is a feat. And that you're an actor.

GEOFF
How long have I been an actor?

ADAM
Jack said 3, but I think 6.

GEOFF
Jack told you all this?

ADAM
(Trying to entertain)
No. You have to know the competition. I consider myself a future socialite. I'm just waiting to be swept off my feet.

GEOFF
How old are you?

ADAM
28, but I tell people I'm 25 or 32, depending on the crowd.

GEOFF
You remind me of someone.

ADAM
Who? I have tried to model my personality off divas of the past and present. And the future. I'm always looking for constructive criticism on how it comes off.

GEOFF
I can't say.

ADAM
Well, tell me if you ever can. I'd offer you a business card but I'm out of the business.

GEOFF
Do you want me to call you a cab?

ADAM
No, but only because I don't know where I'm going. I don't think Jack would be all that thrilled to have me back in his hotel, though maybe with all the drugs he'll have forgotten by now, but I don't really think I can just, go back to Chicago! Do you happen to be going back to New York? Are you looking for a house sitter while you're there? I am very responsible. And I'll answer your--

ADAM approaches GEOFF to pick up a tipped over cup.
GEOFF touches his arm.

GEOFF
You're a lot.

ADAM
And I bet no one has ever said that about you.
(After a beat)
You must be so hungover.

We transition to:
A trashed hotel room.
Jack is laying on the ground, as the door opens and BOY WONDER enters.

BOY WONDER
How's the weather down there?

JACK
Why are you here?

BOY WONDER
Because… Olive is too busy to come and grab you.

JACK
Fuck her.

BOY WONDER
I have.
Get up, let's go back home.

JACK
When Mary died I was so, so sad. But she didn't really die.

BOY WONDER
Uh-huh.

JACK
She lived on.

BOY WONDER
Why are you doing this? I mean, did any of this actually help you? Do you think that O'Doherty is just going to forgive and forget if you force him to? Look, man, I will tell you, we all fucked him over. We did. It's a miracle he didn't sue us to the ground. You made your grave, now you're lying in it.

JACK
He's close. We were very close.

BOY WONDER
Then why'd you do it?

JACK
Because I knew I had to.

BOY WONDER
Then you can't act like you regret it.
How long is this going to go on? This. We have things to do, you want to work in Hollywood and I'll be right by your side, but only if you stop this.

JACK
(sitting up)
How's your kid?

BOY WONDER
She's up in Quebec. With.. Sarah, with Sarah and her parents.
And they're not coming back.

JACK
Oh. Oh no, no, you're- no. You're too good for that. You're too young. That's too much for you.

BOY WONDER
What?

JACK
You don't deserve that. You don't.

BOY WONDER
She's got her reasons. They're right. I mean, we married too young. I've had my… extramarital situations, and she's probably had one or another.

JACK
Oh, you must be heartbroken. Why would you come all the way out here–

BOY WONDER
You're getting too upset. It's not a big deal. It's fine. I'm okay.

JACK
No you're not.

BOY WONDER
That's why I want to go back to New York with you. I have to have someone to talk to.

JACK
Olive. And friends.

BOY WONDER
I'd prefer to talk to you.

JACK
Do you love me?

BOY WONDER
Come on, let's check out of here.

JACK
Do you love me?

BOY WONDER
Please, Jack.

JACK
I love you.

BOY WONDER
Let's get going. Please. I'm sure the bills are gonna be in the thousands. We should get going regardless, get the first possible plane out. It'll be good for us. I mean, this city is not good. I don't want to be here, you don't really want to be here. It's in our best interest to leave. So let's leave. Let's go.

We transition:

The GREEN ROOM of Talk Show.
MAURICE is sitting, as OLIVE enters.

MAURICE
You're late.

OLIVE
I didn't want to do this.

MAURICE
I'm going to tell him that I'm working on a new play. I need you to back me up.

OLIVE
This isn't to promote you.

MAURICE
It isn't to promote you either.

OLIVE
It is to promote OUR show, that I am the star of. You're just Maurice.

MAURICE
I have been a writer for as long as you've been alive.

OLIVE
I sincerely doubt that.

MAURICE
How old are you?

OLIVE
Why would I ever tell you that? I mean, honestly?

MAURICE
I consider you a friend.

OLIVE
I consider you a weasel.

MAURICE
A weasel, but a friend.

OLIVE
No.
MAURICE
I'm promoting the show here because I want you to say you'll be the star.

OLIVE
It is remarkable to me that someone who has done nothing in his life but win, win, win, is a lose, lose, loser.

MAURICE
I'm a good writer, you're a great star. I think we've both come to realize that.

OLIVE
Maurice, you are like every librettist in the world, in that everyone, I mean, everyone, would bend backwards to screw you over. Why should I be any different?

MAURICE
Because I know. And I'm okay with it. You can't get anywhere in this business fighting the world, you work with it. I'm going to direct this next one.
You know why we're here instead of Jack and what's his name? If I was just as valuable as him, even if I don't get treated that way, they wouldn't let me up here.

OLIVE
We're here because we interview well.

MAURICE
That's all that matters.

OLIVE
What type of role is it? Mother, daughter, wife? Whore?

MAURICE
Wife. And Mother.

OLIVE
Is it a good role?

MAURICE
It's the best thing I've ever written. I know that may not seem like a lot–

OLIVE
There was a time where you were a very good playwright, I know.

MAURICE
You'd be fantastic.

OLIVE
There are so many things that I would be fantastic at. So many great people and amazing places and wonderful opportunities I threw away to be right here, right now, about to be broadcasted, idolized to the entire nation. And I've got to keep it up. I'm 29 years old, I am footsteps away from falling to my death, becoming a has been, star of KISSING ME QUICKLY, an interesting voice of an era gone by, a mother and a wife, a face on the news but not on the street, and icon only to those who do not matter. I spoke up when I had to speak up, and I will keep doing that, but all I've learned here, in this business, in this world, is that I have to know most of when to shut up. So what I'm going to do is to get what I need, even if I want anything, anything else, because one missed step sends me back in time 5 years, or sends me crashing through the floor, because God, or whomever, sets a path, and I have to take it.

MAURICE
But you want to do it?

OLIVE
Not with you.

MAURICE
Not without Jack?

OLIVE
Not with you.

We transition to:
TALK SHOW.
TALK SHOW HOST
So if you're just tuning in tonight, as a part of our "Voices of The American Musical" series, sitting right here next to me is the endlessly wonderful, gorgeous Olive Cameron, as well as playwright Maurice Travalian. Here to promote the smash hit, playing here in New York, Kissing Me Quickly.
Promoting is a silly way to put it, the show doesn't need much promotion. It really is a smash hit. It is nearly impossible to get tickets.

OLIVE
I'm sure us being here won't help that.

MAURICE
The show really is my personal best-

TALK SHOW HOST
So the real reason you're here, then, well is to promote Ms. Cameron.

OLIVE
That's very true, I have a very big announcement that was… decided very recently.

TALK SHOW HOST
Well we're excited to hear it.

OLIVE
This coming month will be my last month with the show.

APPLAUSE.

TALK SHOW HOST
That is very exciting.

MAURICE
It really has just been a joy–

OLIVE
I am currently beginning development on my next project, working it around, with.. People I can't name here but you can guess who they are.

TALK SHOW HOST
Because when I introduced you as Olive Cameron that was a bit of a mistake. That's the name you perform under.

OLIVE gives a big grin and speaks through it.

OLIVE
I was born Olive Cameron Williams. Wordy I think.

TALK SHOW HOST
Which would be Olive Cameron Ainsworth now.

OLIVE looks about to die.

MAURICE
Much wordier…

OLIVE
Oh… Um, no, I didn't change my name.

TALK SHOW HOST
Your marriage to Jackson Ainsworth, the director of KISSING ME QUICKLY, now I imagine the wedding was as extravagant as the show–

OLIVE
We eloped–

MAURICE
NOW, we obviously can't reve it, but what I can tell you is that our next project will be worth the wait. If you want to see this talented young lady, you'd better come see her now.

OLIVE
If you can get tickets!

TALK SHOW HOST
We tried to get your husband to join–

OLIVE
Jack–

MAURICE
He is very dedicated to the show, working with our composer, right now. That's the thing with Jack, and myself even really, is that the art comes before anything, everything even, so interviews like this are a waste.

OLIVE
Truly, this is one of our few breaks, all of us, good friends, great friends and collaborators.

TALK SHOW HOST
We are really out of time for tonight, but ladies and gentleman, regardless of where you are, you should take the first plane and see KISSING ME QUICKLY, directed by Jackson Ainsworth, and starring his fantastic wife here, Olive.

APPLAUSE, the lights lower.

OLIVE and MAURICE
FUCK!

We transition:

PRODUCER'S OFFICE.
LOUIS & ROD, as well as GEOFF sit with PRODUCER.
GEOFF is drinking a glass of water, very slowly, while everyone else smokes.
Mary is hovering about the room.

PRODUCER
I'm not sure if I'm sold on the concept yet.

ROD
She's not selling it by being late.

LOUIS
(taking a pill)
Maybe it's just traffic.

GEOFF
Sign from God.

LOUIS
Did any of you see those movies she was in?

PRODUCER
I think they're for a different audience than you three.

GEOFF
I don't think she's showing up. And who would direct?

PRODUCER
Anne?

ROD
London.

PRODUCER
Oh, right.
I called everyone in the business. Most don't return my calls anymore… but You know who is free right now? Ainsworth.

GEOFF
Absolutely not. I'd rather pull out my own teeth.

ROD
He is a little hard to work with.

LOUIS
I think if we sign her, we'll be able to get anyone we want—

ROD
Are we sure there isn't anyone else we can… entice?

LOUIS
She's a talented–

ROD
I mean, Geoff, you have to know someone.

MARY
You know everyone.

GEOFF
I just know that I don't want this.

PRODUCER
Well, let's list off the concerns. I can understand neutrality, wanting someone more familiar with the stage, but she's good to work with, so I've heard, she's talented, she's got her mother's voice, her father's charm, she'll be a draw for a new audience, she's pretty, young, funny.

GEOFF
Exactly, and the character's old.

LOUIS
You can make the character–

ROD
She doesn't have to be older.

GEOFF
Why are we all acting like this is a good idea?

MARY
It's what you owe her, Geoff.

PRODUCER
Well, Rod, you convinced me.

GEOFF
I'm glad, I'd rather have it on–

PRODUCER
I'm all for it.

LOUIS
Rod convinced you?

ROD
I guess it's fine with me.

GEOFF gets up and fills his glass with more water.

GEOFF
Her mother never wanted her to act.

ROD
But she has been.

LOUIS
Even as a little girl.

GEOFF
When someone was there to protect her, yes. But she is eighteen years old, and I can't. I can't be the one to let her continue it.

ROD
What? Do you think she won't act if you don't let her?

MARY
You owe her it.

CHORUS
You talk to them like they don't understand.

GEOFF
This is where I think none of you will really get it, really. Get what I mean, why I can't do it.

MARY
Because you're a coward.

CHORUS
Let them go.

GEOFF
I shouldn't inflict it on her.

ROD
You're inflicting something right now.

LOUIS
Geoff, it's been almost five years.

GEOFF
The world swooped in.

CHORUS
Hard to work with.

ANNE
(in the chorus)
I told you. Crazy.

MOTHER
(in the chorus)
This is what keeps you in the back of the pack.

CHORUS
Nothing like a change in perception.

ASHLEY
(in the chorus)
There's a game to it.

GEOFF
The world swooped in the moment they could pry this girl away and turned her into some… tragic superstar, and that doesn't go well.

ROD
You're thinking too deeply about this.

MARY
You'll be there, won't you?

CHORUS
Right by her side.

PRODUCER
Are you implying that we're the type to hurt her?

CHORUS
Hard to work with.

GEOFF
Of course not I'd never imply that–

LOUIS hands GEOFFREY a pill.

LOUIS
(taking a pill himself)
Not every young actor ends up dead. Sometimes they're just talented and young. Weren't you?

ROD
The theatre didn't kill Ashley, bad luck did.

CHORUS
Someone did.

MARY
Who did?

GEOFF
It all ties together.

PRODUCER
(lighting a cigarette, chuckling)
Regardless, you have all the permission in the world to be her chaperone. If it will make you… feel comfortable.

MARY
You have the hand of God. You can shift anything, you can make it different. And if you don't…

CHORUS
Again.
MARY
There's always the other option.

GEOFF
I'm sorry.

MARY
Third time's the charm.

MARY holds onto Geoff in some way.

GEOFF
I'm being silly. It's up to you two– three, sorry Louis.

But she's running later, regardless, which you know makes it a whole different thing. It is very important to be–

Naturally, it is then that Ms. STEVENS arrives, alongside HANS Love. HANS is 29, ambiguously European, and remarkably entitled.
The CHORUS collectively groans.
The PRODUCER is very surprised.

Ms. Stevens is very calculating, beyond her ditzy over the top demeanor, she's smart like her mother.

Ms. Stevens
Sorry I'm late. I was going to bring my lawyer, but I thought "hell! They need me" so I'll just negotiate myself. I may be 19 but believe me, I know my stuff!
(Kissing GEOFFREY's cheek)
Hi, Uncle Geoff.

She sits down. Hans stays standing.

PRODUCER
(To Hans)
I love lovers, however, this is a private meeting.

Ms. Stevens
No, no, he's here for a reason.
(Sudden)
Louis, I love that jacket.

LOUIS
Thank you, honey.

Ms. Stevens
Now, my one question before I give you the terms of my deal, what I intend to negotiate, is this, do you have a director?

PRODUCER
We're working to sign either Hal or Bob but neither has been returning our calls.

Ms. Stevens
Wel, that is just a shame. Those are big big names for such a little little show. But it's also a good thing, see, Hans and I, we come as a pair. You want me to star, you gotta let him direct.

Stunned silence.

Now, he doesn't know much about theater. The only show he ever directed was the highschool one acts. But believe me when I say he is so, so talented. Now, I assume you four want to start production before all the backers demand their money back, and I assume since you had to put everything on hiatus and toss out your old cast, you're pretty desperate to get it going. So I think this is a mutually beneficial situation.
(To GEOFFREY)
My mother was always a big fan of letting new people into the court.

CHORUS
She's insane.

MEN
She's a moron

WOMEN
She's 19!

MARY
You're in the perfect place, Geoff.

GEOFF
Well, if it's either this or nothing.

Ms. Stevens
I knew you were a wonderful wonderful man, Uncle Geoffrey.
(To PRODUCER)
Give me a ring and sign him a contract real soon. Let's not let this great script go to waste!

She and Hans go.

LOUIS
He seems peaceful, at least.

ROD
I've seen crazier directors.

PRODUCER
I'm not sure.

GEOFF
It's crazy. It's insane. It's absolutely nuts.

LOUIS
I'm just nervous on how this will reflect on us. I mean. It's a sell out, that's what it will feel like. It's like we all gave in in a desperate attempt to make money. We're losing the art here.

ROD
He's nervous about everything.

PRODUCER
The backers might--

ROD
Tell the backers that guy, Hans Love? Well his last few movies have been certified hits. Even I know that. It's.. a stunt. Even if the show is dreadful, it'll bring in the audience.

GEOFF
And the show won't be dreadful.

LOUIS
A bad director can make anything dreadful.

ROD
I think it's our best bet.

PRODUCER
Gee, boys, it is just remarkable to me how you three can just meld together into one very strong voice, get me to do whatever you want. It's like I have a hoard of homosexuals upset at my decisions at my door.

The PRODUCER gets up.

At least I know how Dean Jones felt...
I'll try to catch her in the lobby, work up a deal.

He goes.

ROD
Well. The show always goes an interesting route. I'll ring you, Geoffrey, we can go over those revisions of yours.

He goes.
GEOFFREY gets up to start leaving and Louis grabs his sleeve.

LOUIS
I love the star, but this director… Just because you miss her doesn't mean you can bring her back.

GEOFFREY goes.
Louis turns towards the audience.

LOUIS
No one ever listens. I might be sensitive, but I'm sensitive to bullshit too!

WE transition:
GEOFF'S HOUSE.
Adam is lying on the sofa, reading a book.

The door opens and enters Geoff.
Adam looks at him, Geoff freezes.

GEOFF
Oh, hello.

ADAM
Hey..
How was New York?

GEOFF
You're still here

ADAM
Wait?
Oh, man, did you– was "I'm going to New York" your way of telling me to get– I really don't always get that, you know, I'm never really sure with you– more of my problem then yours– I can go, I mean, probably not tonight, but I can be out, somewhere, by tomorrow evening–

GEOFF
No. I didn't want you to leave.

ADAM
Oh.

GEOFF
You can.

ADAM
I'll stay, then. I guess.
Not that I have anywhere else to go…
I'd like to stay.

GEOFF
You are really so lovely.

ADAM
You know, I'm usually not described like that. I mean, painfully neurotic, incredibly attractive, socially disturbed, faggy, but never lovely.

GEOFF
I find you very lovely.

ADAM
I appreciate it.

GEOFF starts to go.
I can leave, though.

GEOFF
I know. You're always welcomed to.

ADAM
But you don't want me to?

GEOFF
I have a lot of things. I have this nice little house, I have stable work, lots of friends, a well stocked liquor cabinet– I am actually a little tipsy, but that's between me and LAPD– more than enough money for one person, and a great ass, but… I haven't had anyone here in many years. So it's nice.

ADAM
It is.

GEOFF goes.
ADAM returns to reading his book.

We transition:
Boy Wonder is in JACK and OLIVE's apartment
He sits down at the piano.
He is noodling a bit when he suddenly slams in the keys and lets out a groan.

BOY WONDER
How is anyone ever supposed to do anything?
(Shouting)
I'm too young to be over with, God! You still need to help me out here!

Long sigh.

I'm young, funny, and talented.
I'm young, funny, talented and charming.
I'm young, funny, talented, charming and sociable.
I'm young, funny, talented, charming and sociable.

You have so many friends, Mr. Andrew.
Everyone LOVES you!
You are so very talented and this is very fulfilling and there's no reason you'd ever squander your talent by… doing anything else.
But anything else is all you're doing.
Alllll I'm doing.
Oh, God.

He does an impression of a talk show host:

Best musical of the year. Of the decade. It'll never close. Your first show, and it's on Broadway. Revolutionizing musical theatre, not by any real intent, but by talent alone.
Talent ALONE! Fantastic, what's next for you? What's next for you? What's next for you? What's next for you? What's next for you.

Good question! Great question! We will see. We will see considering what Jack wants. What Jack wants.

I don't like to describe myself as a genius but I guess that I am. I just wrote what I knew and now I'm here, and I'm enjoying the speed of my inevitable fall. I'm sure I'm falling so fast I don't even realize I'm falling. Who will take my spot on top of the world?

AND CAN THEY DO IT FASTER? SO I CAN GET SOME WORK DONE?

OLIVE enters.

OLIVE
Great music there.
Can you not play it in my living room?

BOY WONDER
Jack let me in as he left, I didn't know you were here.

OLIVE
Did he tell you where he was going?

BOY WONDER
You know it must be so easy for you, since you don't have to create anything. I mean, I haven't written a song in months and here you are, able to just dance and act on cue. No thought required.

OLIVE
It is so funny how you think that.

BOY WONDER
I don't think we're ever going to get a new project.

OLIVE
He'll eventually cave and we'll get Maurice on board. I've been going to parties, around town, trying to find some genius new librettist who thinks he can woo me with his words, so we can avoid Maurice, but I haven't found one yet.

BOY WONDER
It can't just be me and Maurice, we Jack in too.

OLIVE
Maybe he'll come around. He hasn't come around for me.

BOY WONDER
That's your mistake.

OLIVE
Why are we fighting over him?

BOY WONDER
I'm not, I'm fighting over a show that doesn't exist– Those movies of his, they're not even getting produced yet, it moves so slow, is there time for me to ask him if I can do the score? And I guess you'll be in them too.

OLIVE
I'll play shop goer number 3.

BOY WONDER
Where are you going, by the way?

OLIVE
His studio. He has about 35 young dancers all waiting for him, and I'm going to give them the worst surprise of their life, by showing up instead.

BOY WONDER
What? You're a star.

OLIVE
But I'm not a star choreographer.

BOY WONDER
You could be, you're very good.

OLIVE
Not while Jack's around. Well, if he comes back and kicks you out, move the lamp three inches to the left so I know he's here. Right?

BOY WONDER
He is very good at what he does. We can't pretend that he isn't!

The door opens and in comes Jack.
He seems distracted by something.

JACK
What? Why are you both here?

BOY WONDER
You let me in.

OLIVE
I'm on the lease.

JACK
Why at the same time? Wait– nevermind.

OLIVE
We have to go to the studio?

JACK
No, I have to stay here, I can't leave. I shouldn't be allowed to. There's no reason to.

BOY WONDER
What?

JACK
We should give up on it, I just need to stay here, you know? I think that would be good for me. That's the realization I came to.

BOY WONDER
When?

JACK
The lobby of the building, I knew that's what I deserved for everything. We'll put it off until I've repented. Or I'll climb out the window.

OLIVE
What do you mean?

JACK
I mean that I have to stay here, and I cannot leave, and you two can do whatever, don't wait for me, never wait for me. It's over, I just need to be here. For the meantime.

BOY WONDER
Okay.

OLIVE
I'll let your dancers know.

OLIVE starts to go.

JACK
Well, you have to leave too, it has to just be me. Me, right here. It's what it has to be.

OLIVE
I live here.

JACK
I'll buy you somewhere else!

OLIVE
I have to go. They're waiting for you.

She goes off.
BOY WONDER
What are you doing?

JACK
I have to.

BOY WONDER
Then what are we supposed to do?

JACK
Leave.

WE transition:
We are brought to a small house in a small town in Tennessee, near Nashville.
We can tell it is in Tennessee because there is a sign on the wall that reads "God Bless Tennessee"
It is a very kitschy home, almost artificially so.
It isn't very inviting though, in fact, it's dark and lonely.

GEOFF is sitting while ADAM is walking around the room, looking at things in awe and delight.

ADAM
Its like my grandma's house if my Grandma was suicidal. I love it. I'm in love with it. I'm in love with her.

GEOFF
You'd make a great second husband.

ADAM
Thank you! You always say the right things. Must be because you're a writer. Or because your mother dropped you on your head one too many times.

DELAYNA enters with a couple drinks. She hands one to each of them.

DELAYNA
This is my signature cocktail. Orange juice, cranberry juice, and vodka with a bit of sugar to take the edge off!

ADAM takes a sip and winces.

But I was out of orange juice so I used tang. And I was out of Vodka so I used Tequila and I was out of cranberry juice so I used red Kool-aid with a little bit of lime juice. And well, you see, I was baking last week and I bought some nice brown sugar so I used that instead.

ADAM
It's strong.

DELAYNA
I guess I should've asked you if you like to drink.

ADAM
No, no, I mean. It's strong. In general. It's strong. All the flavors. Very strong. I like it. I used to bartend.

DELAYNA
We have one little bar in this entire town. The only people who go there are the alcoholics and the bored retirees. But Bar-tending, That sounds fun.

ADAM
It was. For a while. Lots of standing, you know? So much standing…

DELAYNA suddenly gasps.

DELAYNA
Oh, my god. I am making you two drink on an empty stomach.

GEOFF
It's fine.

DELAYNA
Of course it's fine for you, but what about him? Sweetheart, I'm going to grab some leftover chicken casserole and heat it up for you.

She goes.

ADAM
Isn't she sweet? And that drawl. I wish you had that drawl, it would make you so much more fun.

CHORUS
Is he being sarcastic?

GEOFF
I'm glad she brought us drinks for a couple more hours and I would get the shakes.

ADAM
Woah. That's not good. If I knew you more I'd say "we should discuss that!" But I don't.

DELAYNA enters.

DELAYNA
Okay, it's in the oven. I have a timer going. So, so tell me, again, what it is exactly that you do.

ADAM
Real estate. That's why he brought me here. To show me how good I have it in LA.

DELAYNA
Ohhh, you're funny. He's funny!
(To GEOFF)
How's the play going? Or the musical. I heard a rumor that the director of those space movies is going to direct it.

GEOFF
You heard that all the way out here?

DELAYNA
It was in the tabloids.

ADAM
I love the tabloids.

DELAYNA
You shouldn't. They're all trash. But I read them anyway.

ADAM
Oh My Gosh. You are just crazy. I love you!

DELAYNA
I can be a little wild sometimes… can't I be a little wild sometimes, Geoff?

GEOFF
Not any time I remember.

DELAYNA
Oh, you are just too much. You two. Ugh! I feel like I'm about to laugh myself silly. Is the show going to try-out in Chicago again?

GEOFF
Los Angeles, actually. The producer isn't allowed in the state of Illinois, he owes too much taxes.

DELAYNA
Is that so?

GEOFF
No I was lying, just a complicated producer decision I don't understand. Might do a second run in Boston, if all goes well.

Tell me, tell me how did you two meet? You're so very different.

GEOFF
He was my-

ADAM
I sold his neighbor's house. You know, lots of wandering around the area, trying to get a feel of it, and kept running into him. Funny how people become friends, isn't it.

DELAYNA
You're awfully young, that's what I mean.

ADAM
Not as young as you I assume.

DELAYNA
You are just so flattering.

She gives a great big grin and looks at Geoffrey.

Good lord, I am not stupid. Come on. Ain't no one bringing around a young man to see their sister in law. You're an actor, Geoff.

ADAM puts the cup down.

ADAM
I'll go and wait in the car.

DELAYNA
No, sweetheart. You don't need to. It's hot and muggy out there, the mousse will melt out of that hair of yours. You two outnumber me, I'm the one who should be running right out of here.

She takes a cigarette out and holds it between her fingers.

I am not a fan of faggotry. I do think it's immoral and wrong and disgusting and all the other ones I'm supposed to think, it's my job, frankly, but Christ as my witness, I think it's just a load of bullshit. It's like… shrinks, like valium, it's neuvo, it's exactly the sorta nonsense Geoff here has been into since he was a sad teenager. Always desperate to be ahead of the times. We lost to the Soviets, we lost to the homosexuals, what's the point in being angry about it?

ADAM
(Going)
As a homosexual, my only goal in life to expand the Soviet union into Nashville. Not because I'm a communist, god no, just... Can you imagine what the music would sound like? Life changing. It would be wonderful.

He strums an imaginary banjo and puts on an exaggerated accent.

Lenin was among the prophets.
American Imperialism:
Are you gunna stop it?

Bitch.

GEOFF
Adam.

He goes, giving a little wave.

DELAYNA
I get it. You get old, you get lonely but, there's no need to make a political statement about it. I can't even imagine he's gonna stick around for very long. Oh. Funny. Funny thing. Everyone always took you for a faggot. The thing is, you're not a faggot. You just practice faggotry. Many men do. Which we all knew. Now that guy, that kid, is a proper card carrying faggot. He's got the gestures, and the voice, and the vagueness, and he's after you because you're older and richer. All he needs is a lisp and we'd be set for life… Your brothers, your father, they'd all beat him down to a purple sack of meat if he looked their direction-

GEOFF
Ma always thought you were a dyke.

GEOFF gets up.
He starts to go.

DELAYNA
I love you. You're my little brother. I just wish you'd make better choices. The alcohol, the musicals, the men. Ridiculous. It is. There is not a single shred of humanity in you some days.

GEOFF
I think you're a very sad person.

DELAYNA
I am. But I'm no Dyke…

You know that I love you. Only one in the family who does nowadays. It's a real shame. You're wonderful underneath all the sequins. I feel like I'm the only one who can see it.

He stops. Goes over to her and kisses her cheek. She hugs him. He hugs back.
He goes.
We go to the porch.

CHORUS
The things we do to each other to find catharsis, Geoff.

Adam is standing, looking annoyed. He is smoking a cigarette.

GEOFF
I didn't know you smoked.

ADAM
I know I don't have much room to complain, since I wormed myself into your life, through my charming speeches and my mind-blowing ability to fuck you, and that in trade you're letting me live like the housewife of a Politician inches away from his next big scandal, I enjoy the money, I enjoy the theater, and I deeply deeply appericate the arm candy status, but don't do that to me. I don't want to be the "come out" kid. I've done it before. 15 times actually. And it always fell apart afterwards.

GEOFF
It's not like I'm going to leave you in Tennessee. Have any of your lovers left you in a different state? That would be worth writing a play about. But a pulpy one. A one man show. "My homosexual lover left me in… Louisiana."

ADAM
I don't need the alliteration. Tennessee works just fine.

GEOFF
It won't happen. You could stab me and I'd still fly you home.

ADAM
I know. I just, I like this arrangement. Just don't do that to me.

GEOFF
You're welcome to run away with someone younger and cuter the moment you find him.

ADAM
That's the plan. But I want to enjoy this. If I wanted to be steeped in a pot of misery I wouldn't have to go across the country for it.

GEOFF
I thought she already knew.

ADAM
I think she did. She just didn't like me gagging on her drink. God, it counted my mouth in… powder. Kool-aid powder. Worst of the powders.

GEOFF
Gagging at a drink, the worst thing you could ever do to a person.

ADAM
You wanna bet?

GEOFF
There are better things to gag on, sure.

ADAM
You'd know.

GEOFF
You know what I will bet? That she'll come around. She isn't hate filled, and she likes you. I will bet my life.

ADAM
Have you ever been to Vegas?

GEOFF
Have you?

CHORUS
Adding gambling to your list of vices is next year's plan.

We go to:
The set of a terrible SOAP OPERA.
GEOFF is dramatically grasping a young woman.
CARSON is playing his rival. BOTH have a gun.

GEOFF
'I will never be able to. You cannot take her away from me.'

CARSON
'But I love her, you know that I love her and you still won't give her to me'

GEOFF
'Because I love her too, and we cannot share her.'

CARSON
'So the only choice is to have her. To take her!'

GEOFF
'Go ahead and try it, you bastard!'

CARSON lunges towards him, they both shoot.
The DIRECTOR yells CUT and all three actors burst into laughter.

ELSIE, the producer comes over.

ELISIE
Ohhhh, Geoffrey, what a season this has been.

CARSON
I cannot believe you talked me into this.

GEOFF
It's been a swell time, and you're a swell producer, Elsie– My show is opening for tryouts tonight, are you going to be there?

ELSIE
I will not, I'm sure it is just swell. My son just got held back a grade, my only goal right now is trying to find him a tutor.

CARSON
That's awful.

ELSIE
It's not because he isn't smart, the schools just don't understand him. Sigh. Carson, baby, I'm so glad you're here, but I'm going to pull this one aside– Oh, what the hell, Geoffrey, I want to know if you would like to join the writers team for this next season, I mean, I've heard you're very terrific at the whole writing thing, plus I'm sure it would be a joy for you to control what exactly you and your cohorts perform.

CHORUS
This is success.
Or failure.

CARSON
How about that!

GEOFF
That's an offer.

ELSIE
And the money, of course, will be very good.

GEOFF
Well, umm. I'm very surprised.

ELSIE
You don't have to decide yet.

GEOFF
I'm hon–

ELSIE
Say yes. Otherwise you'll break my heart into a million pieces.

GEOFF
I'll think about it.

She kisses his cheek and goes.

CARSON
Wow… You know, I wish I could write for this show, I think I'd really love to make it… more down to earth, Godly, you know.

GEOFF
That's what soaps need– are you going to see the show?

CARSON
Of course. That's all that's on your mind, I see.

GEOFF
I'm sorry.

CARSON
I don't like that Hans fella.

GEOFF
Who does. Is she living with you?

CARSON
No, they've got their own little apartment downtown, but she stops by. We talk. I'm hoping that I can get her to… really see the light…
Man, what happened to us?

GEOFF
Nothing, you're my closest friend.

CHORUS
You're a genius, Geoff.

CARSON
I'm sorry to hear that. Ever since Ashley, you have become cold and distant–

GEOFF
Because you married her and she died. It's emotionally complicated, it's something I work out with my shrink.

CARSON
You don't need a shrink.

GEOFF
What do I need? God? Is that what you're saying? Could God have saved her?

CARSON
What? Do you know what killed her, Geoff? Alcohol. And shrinks, or God, you have to keep yourself from going the same way.

GEOFF
You know, I got onto this show, to help you out, keep you active, keep you from falling into some… pit of rumination, but I can't do this with you. I won't actually. How I live my life is no bother of yours, and you might think you're doing this because you care, but you aren't. And that's okay.

CHORUS
Maybe he'll listen.

CARSON steps away.

GEOFF
Let's discuss something else. Let's have a conversation about anything else. How's it been?

CARSON
I saw something odd this morning, I passed this line of faggots protesting. And, well I didn't pay much attention, but I've been trying to wonder what they're protesting for. Really, if they're all so concerned with being called faggots, what they shouldn't do is go out and make it clear that's what they are.

GEOFF
Yup.

CARSON
I don't know. I've never understood it. How about you?

GEOFF
I'm running late

GEOFF goes.
A rehearsal space.
LOUIS is asleep, leaning his head on Rod's shoulder. Rod is watching seriously, but he has a gentle hand on Louis' leg. They're besties.

The PRODUCER is sitting nearby. He is distracted, bored.

GEOFFR enters, looking nice but tired. He silently slips over to Rod and they look at each other.

They are watching a scene.
Ms. Stevens is playing a character that is basically her mother. She is good at it, but it's like she's wearing boots a size too big. It's awkward. She's struggling.

Ms. Stevens
'I think I understand you more than you understand me. I feel like the reason we keep meeting each other again and again is that the world is trying to get us together.'

CHORUS
What are you trying to get at?

Ms. Stevens
'I don't want to find a husband. I don't need one, I like my life. I like my friends. And I know you like your life, and you like your friends. We're lost souls.'

CHORUS
I don't know if I'd call myself lost.

Ms. Stevens
'We found each other. We're no longer lost. And don't say anything. Please do not say anything. You're a closed book, anything you say is surface level, it's a presentation. But I know that there's a person underneath it. I can see that sly look in your eyes, you're going to try to analyze me'

CHORUS
I don't think any psychoanalyst on earth could understand this.

Ms. Stevens
'I don't like when you do that. I don't like you being funny to keep from looking at me. It's like there's a screaming, crying little boy just begging to be let out, and you, the prison guard, are just standing right in place'

CHORUS
You think I don't think that about you? You think that you're so crystal clear.

Ms. Stevens
'I think that you think that I am. I think you think that you can read anyone and everyone. You look out your window and you see a stranger and your first thought is, 'I get him' and that's why you have so many friends. You think you get them, and what they think is that they won the lottery because someone so flagrantly excessive but so private is paying attention to them. And to people with no sense, people who don't look right back at you with those sly eyes, that means you're probably some troubled genius. But I know what you are. You are new. You are the wannabe definition of an American God. Everyone sees you, they like you, but they don't know you. Like a new God. Or a new prophet. But you fail at it. Neo Contemporary Failure.

CHORUS
Failure for the post modern era.

Ms. Stevens
'Exactly. So we should get married. I get what I need, and you get what you want'

HANS enters.

HANS
Cut! Cut- This is dreadful! This is dreadful.

Ms. Stevens
I'm still trying to get her voice.

HANS
NO, no! No, what I'm saying is that it is dreadful! It is miserable! Where is the fun? The theatrical nature? Isn't theater supposed to be fun?

Ms. Stevens
Hans, it's a dramatic scene.

ANNE
The nonsense in this room is palpable. Ugh. I bet you wish you had me right now. Everyone does.

HANS
Leave the dramatics for the pictures, theater is the drama!

Ms. Stevens
I'm not sure what you mean.

GEOFF
I can… Cut it down a bit. It's a little wordy.

HANS
(Shouting, upset)
It needs to be a song!

That wakes Louis up.

ROD
The music is diegetic.

HANS
This is the exception.

GEOFF
That would be confusing.

HANS
It would be profound! She is profound, let her be profound! The profound art of musical storytelling.

People begin to go.

CHORUS
There is nothing profound about musical theater.

GEOFFREY looks at LOUIS and ROD.

GEOFF
Anything happen before I showed up?

LOUIS
(taking a pill)
Only the end times.

ROD
You seem energetic.

GEOFF
I just got offered good money to write for the soap I've been on.

LOUIS
What?

ROD
Did you say yes?

GEOFF
No, I have to figure out how that would look for my, you know, day to day career stuff.

LOUIS
Oh, it would ruin your career.

CHORUS
The joke of the century.

GEOFF
What?

CHORUS
Never looked at again.

ROD
It's like saying you write the crosswords on the back of a box of cheerios.

GEOFF
That seems a bit dramatic.

CHORUS
How embarrassing.

LOUIS
Well, if we're being honest, Geoff, and I mean it very kindly.

ROD
We definitely wouldn't work with you again.

GEOFF
Oh.

Everyone but Geoff and Ms. Stevens leaves.
Geoff gives her a small gift basket.

We are now in Ms. Stevens dressing room.

GEOFF
Knock knock.

Ms. Stevens
Hi, Uncle Geoff.

GEOFF
You don't even turn to see me. I'm distraught.

He puts the basket down.

Ms. Stevens
Those are funny looking flowers.

GEOFF
Mints. Your mother always believed in mints before a show.

Ms. Stevens
I know. It's always my mother with you.

GEOFF
You took her name.

Ms. Stevens
And you took her personality. Did she really try to marry you?

He puts his hands on her shoulders.

GEOFF
We have 15 weeks to keep this show together before Broadway tears it apart. You can do it.

Ms. Stevens
I think no matter what they say it'll still be great.

GEOFF
I hope so.

Ms. Stevens
Has a show ever died in out of town tryouts? I've been so distracted by the movies I've never learned my theater history.

GEOFF
Most do, I'm afraid.

Ms. Stevens
But this one won't.

GEOFF
I don't promise things.

Ms. Stevens
You promised this.

GEOFF
I shouldn't do that.
Hans enters.

HANS
I'm cutting the last scene.
(To GEOFF)
Tell the orchestra I'm cutting the last scene.

Ms. Stevens
Hans, we cannot cut the last scene.

HANS
The vagueness works with it, it helps. The ending cannot be clear, it needs to have some level of pizazz.

Ms. Stevens
Well we can't cut it now. We can cut it tomorrow, but we can't cut it tonight. It'll throw the entire thing off. We need to- to give it to him and do it with some rewrites.

HANS
(To GEOFF)
Women.
(To Ms. Stevens)
My darling, I'm the director. I can do whatever I want. I have a vision here, a vision for you in which I am creating.

GEOFF
We're not cutting the ending! You're nuts!

CHORUS
Does anyone know the maximum jail sentence for aggravated assault in L.A. county?

HANS
It zaps the energy. The humanity. It makes it too real.

GEOFF
You have no idea what you're talking about.

Ms. Stevens
Uncle Geoff.

GEOFF
I've been in this business a lot longer than you, Mr. Love.

HANS
Well, I cannot tell by your writing.

CHORUS
Is it 6 months? That seems like a lot.

GEOFF
I have offered you only respect. You cannot cut this show up. It is not your show. It's our show. You're one of six.

HANS
If we do not cut this show, you're cutting me.

GEOFF
(To a invisible God above)
Lord, how could you ever let that happen… nooooo. We'll all die.

Ms. Stevens
If we cut him, you're cutting me too.

GEOFF
Your contract would disagree, Ms. Stevens.

HANS (and CHORUS)
you'd sue your own god-daughter?

Ms. Stevens
What would my mother think about that?!

GEOFF
Your mother-

ASHLEY
You can't speak for me.

GEOFF
Your mother would want you to do what's best for the show.

ASHLEY
You can't speak for me.

Ms. Stevens
My mother always put me first!
(She bursts into tears)
Oh, God. God.

GEOFF steps back.
Hans takes a little container hung on a necklace out from under his shirt. He tapes its contents out on the table.
Cocaine.

HANS
You need to steady your nerves.

Ms. Stevens
Do you have a razor?

GEOFF
Cocaine does not steady your nerves.

HANS
(Giving her a razorblade from his wallet)
It steadies her!

She cuts it into lines and snorts them.
Ms. Stevens
No different from the shots you and mamma used to do.

GEOFF
Alcohol causes steady nerves. It keeps hands from shaking. It slows the-

Ms. Stevens
We're different people, Uncle Geoff.

Ms. Stevens gets up and pulls on a boa.

We're not cutting the ending. And you're not cutting him!

She goes.
HANS follows.

CHORUS
You blew it. You're blowing everything.

We are brought to:

Geoff's Los Angeles home, late at night.
Adam is sitting with his feet up, listening to GYPSY. He has returned from the theater, and is still holding a copy of the show's program.

GEOFFREY enters. Exhausted and slightly buzzed.

GEOFF
Thank you for taking my car. The cab driver didn't even want to make conversation.

ADAM
I didn't want you driving it.

GEOFF
Because I'm a drunk?

ADAM
No. Because you're old.
(After a moment)
I bet this show always reminds you of being a kid.

GEOFF
A lot less strippers. And my mother is to never be played by Ethel merman.

GEOFF turns the music off.

ADAM
And you're not a cute little lady.

GEOFF
I was a quiet 12 year old with a propensity towards memorization and a slight stutter.

ADAM
And an ugly child.

GEOFF
Hideous! No, no, I was never chosen for my skills. I wasn't chosen for my memorization, or for my ever so charming speech impediment, I was chosen for my name. I was designed for my name.

ADAM
"Geoff" is gorgeous.

GEOFF
I came out of my mother's womb and she had a plan. Geoffrey. Spelled with a G. Looks more notable than Jeffery, with a J, allows it to stand out, you have to look at it for a second more to read it, but Geoff is a very-down-to-earth name too. Very down to earth. Geoff. She has a plan, Geoffy as a kid, Geoff as adolescent, Geoffrey as a younger man-- she thought it felt like a very Shakespearean name and she wanted me to do Shakespeare on a professional stage for 5 years-- and then Geoffrey O'Doherty, the full name loud and clear, when I became her movie star. My name was part of the plan, part of the look. Of the brand. She was great at selling it.

ADAM
I love how you speak about it with passion and fire and love and it's the most disturbing thing I've ever heard.

GEOFF
Ah, well, I've been in therapy for the past 20 years, I don't find it disturbing anymore.
(He stops)
You know, I brought it up and I guess-- my mother, what really just broke her heart? It wasn't the alcohol, god no, and it wasn't the- it wasn't me being gay, I don't think so, what it was, was- when I was 7 or 8, so '39, she brought me to some doctor, I think it was in Iowa, the theatre I was touring with got stuck in Iowa for a week, and so she brought me to this doctor, and the doctor told her that there was nothing he coulda done that for me, not a single thing could change the things about me she didn't like. She didn't like two things, she didn't like that I was a quiet kid, and she hated the stutter. I remember sitting next to her on the ride home and I could see it in her eyes, the stutter meant I was never going to be a star. That's what she thought. Broke her to pieces.

Adam looks at him

Well, I think it's sorta funny now. She's dead so I care less about whether or not her heartbreak is an open wound.

ADAM
I don't think I would've liked her.

GEOFF
She woulda called you a fag.
(He clears his throat)
How'd you like the show?

ADAM
It's way too long. Entrances were messed up, half your backup dancers looked like they were going to pass out, and I thought Ms. Stevens' heart was going to explode during the 3 minute long dance break.
(Touching him)
It needs work, but what it needs is more refined direction. But the script isn't great either.

CHORUS
Nothing is great anymore.

GEOFF
I enjoy how honest you are.

ADAM
What else could I be? I've seen other out of town tryouts, they're usually not great.

GEOFF
I love how you speak with an authority-

CHORUS
That he doesn't have.

ADAM
That I don't have. What did Rod and Louis think? And Mr. Love. Which sounds like a porno name. Hans Love, here to serve you. And whoever the producer is.

GEOFF
Rod was staring silently at the floor. Louis was crying. The producer went through not one, but two packs of cigarettes, the stage manager had bit his fingertips raw, the ensemble kept apologizing and explained that their entrances were late because Mr. Love kept telling them to change things five minutes before curtain, and that Mr. Love and our fabulous star had fled the theater the moment that last note was played.

ADAM
Just like the audience. I'm afraid.

GEOFF
Why'd you wait up for me?

ADAM
So I could make fun of you. Sit with me.

GEOFF
I'm tired.

ADAM
I want to know how you'd fix it.

GEOFF
I don't know how I would fix it.

ADAM
How would Jack fix it?

GEOFF
You knew him better than me.

ADAM
That's never what he said.

GEOFF
You don't need to bring him into this.

ADAM
You're right. But I want to.

GEOFF
Well I don't want to! I don't want to hear his name and I don't want to think about him or see his shows in a theater across the street from mine! I don't want any of it. He's in the past! And I'd like it if we can leave him there. Goodnight!

GEOFF goes.

ADAM
Meow, Mr. O'Doherty.
(Calling after him)
Mr. Trzebiatowski!

GEOFF
(off stage)
That hasn't been my name since I was 3 years old!

ADAM bursts out laughing.
GEOFF returns.

GEOFF
You're terrible.

ADAM
Me and Lenny Bruce.

GEOFF begins to make himself a drink.

GEOFF
Will you see it tomorrow?

ADAM
No. You don't need another one of those. Why should I?

GEOFF
It might be worse.

ADAM
Hmm… I'm thinking of flying to New York and seeing that awful Kander and Ebb show before it closes. I heard they're so desperate to fill seats that they're telling people on the street it's just Chicago with a different set.

GEOFF
The one with Liza Minnelli?

ADAM
Yeah, a nice palate cleanser.

He sits down and drinks it.

GEOFF
Give my regards to George Furth.

GEOFF tops off his drink.

GEOFF
Do you want to tutor a kid?
ADAM
What?

GEOFF
The producer of the soap I'm on is looking for a tutor for her son. You used to teach? Might be fun.

ADAM
Oh.

GEOFF
She'll pay you. And I'm sure it'll be good to have something to spend your time on around here.

ADAM shrugs, GEOFF tops his drink off again.

ADAM
Would you bring me backstage? I'm serious Geoff, I think you have a problem.

GEOFF
No. And yes, I do.

ADAM
I'll seduce Hans, then chop off his head and make it seem like a suicide. It'll save the show.

GEOFF
I'll keep that in mind.

ADAM
My services don't come cheap.

GEOFF
Ah, but you do.

ADAM
Your cruelty knows no bounds.

GEOFF
You want one?

ADAM
You've turned me off drinking. In school did they set up the projector and show you those social hygiene films?

GEOFF
I was in a few of those.

ADAM
Anyways, I think they would've used you as the example of the evils of liquor.
(He stops)
I'm serious though. I feel like you're always either drunk or hungover. You're tipping from one side to the other right now.
(Kissing him)
Come on, tell me all about how you're going to fix the show.

Adam gets up and starts going towards the other room.

GEOFF
I do actually have to fix the show.

ADAM
Okay. Don't drink another one.

Adam goes.
GEOFF gets up and makes another drink. He sits down and begins to type.
Mary enters.

MARY
More and more becomes less and less.

GEOFF
I know that I'm an alcoholic. I just don't care.

MARY
Do you know that you're a failure?

GEOFF
I thought I was a God.

MARY
You're both. He's a dancer, you should let him be a dancer. I was a dancer.

GEOFF
He's an unlicensed real estate agent and a failed teacher.

MARY
Then get him the license. You know what your brothers are going to do the moment you asphyxiate on your own vomit? Or you accidentally drive your sedan off one those hills? Tumble, Tumble, SMASH! Geoff... They're going to claim that any will you wrote was written by a deluded drunk, and therefore, he'll be excluded. Besides, he's a gold digger anyways.

GEOFF
He'll find his way back to Chicago.

MARY
But then who will care about you? You're making the next small flop. Not even a big one. Just a fizzle and burn. No one will ever care enough. You don't even care enough. You're not even really rewriting it. You want it to burn up because you don't even want to be writing it.

GEOFF
I want to be a librettist.

MARY
You want to be a star. You've always wanted that. It was a gift from Momma to you. But that little ugly boy had too much of a stutter to be the lead and this big ugly librettist hasn't got enough nerve to be the next Arthur Laurents

GEOFF
I don't want to be Arthur Laurents.

MARY
Of course not, what you want is to be someone with the privacy of a librettist and the attention of a Broadway star. Well it doesn't work like that kiddo. Unless you fail. Which you're on your way to do.

GEOFF
Then what's the problem?

MARY
The issue that you're failing at failure, baby bird. One day that girl is going to write about us and say that you, her Godfather, just stood around as she was made to snort coke by her older, crazier boyfriend.

GEOFF looks away.

But even that won't call you by your name. A friend of my mother's. That's what she'll call you.

ASHLEY turns and watches as the set is changed back to the rehearsal space:
Louis and Producer and Rod return alongside Geoff, they're watching Ms. Stevens.
Mary watches too.

Ms. Stevens
(Coked up)
'I think that you think that I am. I think you think that you can read anyone and everyone. I think that you're a...'

She begins to singing, seemingly making up the lyrics as she goes:

'F-f-f-failure
Modernist failure
F-f-failure in the common era
F-f-failure right in front of me.
F-f-failure underneath my eye.
F-f-failure makes me want to cry--'

LOUIS
What are you doing?!

HANS enters, giving her a hug.

HANS
Isn't she marvelous?!

ROD
Who wrote those lyrics?

LOUIS
It wasn't me!

They both look at GEOFF who is too stunned and horrified to answer.

PRODUCER
Who did the tune?

Ms. Stevens
That is something I wrote. Well he wrote it but I put it together. I know the dramatists guild won't approve, but its- it's just a filler until you can get me something like it! A pop number, is exactly what this scene needs!

Louis gets up and goes.

LOUIS
Excuse me.

ROD
We'll see what we can do.

Ms. Stevens
So for tonight we'll do that. We'll do that for tonight and maybe in a few days you can get us that revised song? Okay? Great! Let's do the next scene.

HANS
(Suddenly very angry)
You do not get to say that we are onto the next scene!

ROD gets up.

ROD
I'm going to take a piss.

He goes.

HANS
You don't get to control this production, ASH! THIS IS MY SHOW! Did you hear me? My show. Get it in your head. From the top!

One of the ensemble actors pops up.

ENSEMBLE MEMBER
Of the scene?

HANS throws a music stand down and goes to the ensemble member, looking over her.
GEOFF gets up.

HANS
Of the show!
(Screaming in Ms. Stevens' face)
OF THE SHOW!

GEOFF
We need to calm down.

CHORUS
Do you know who he reminds me of? My father.

HANS
Come on. Come on, Piano boy, start the opening number good god! Good god!

HANS stomps off and we are brought to an empty stage. This is the theater in Los Angeles that the show is doing tryouts in.

The curtain opens. The orchestra swells. Nothing.
Nothing for a long time. The curtain closes, the overture begins again. There is laughter from the unseen audience.

The overture ends and the curtain opens again.
Still nothing, until an even more coked up Ms. Stevens enters, trying to fix her costume as she begins her first scene. She is covered in sequins.

Ms. Stevens
'Did you know that outside this door there are people who don't care about the theater? It just makes you sick, don't it?'

The opening number begins, she climbs the risers and points at the audience.

'Would you like to meet some of them?'

She gestures to SL.
Someone is supposed to enter.
Someone is supposed to enter.
No one enters.

She climbs down the risers and stomps off.

(Off-stage)
HANS YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD STOP TELLING THEM TO CHANGE THE CUES YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MORON!

She stomps back and gets back into position as if nothing happened.
A few moments later, the ensemble enters, dressed as normal folks. They begin the number, which is dance intensive.

They all begin a line of spins, over and over again, and then, suddenly, Ms. Stevens collapses.

The dancers are messed up and some jump to try to help her. One begins to try to distract the audience by starting a kickline. It does not last, and eventually they are staring blankly and terrified at the audience, as a stagehand drags Ms. Stevens off.

The curtain closes.
We are now backstage.
GEOFFREY is entering with a frantic and horrified CARSON, there are paramedics.
Louis and Rod enter alongside the producer.

HANS comes up. ROD, LOUIS bad GEOFF do as well.

HANS
No, no, no we are not– she will be fine, just some rest, love? Right.
Where are the others, they need to sing the next song, the group numbers, they need to do the next song. This is theater, we cannot stop it.

LOUIS
Oh, god the audience panics- can you hear them back there? the audience panics and everything falls apart, the show will never live it down.

In the chaos, Adam has snuck in and is sticking to the sides.

ROD
That's not true.

LOUIS grabs the producer's arm as he passes

LOUIS
Tell one of the girls to go out there and keep them entertained.

HANS
They can do the next number.

PRODUCER
These girls are in a frantic hoard.

ADAM
Like bees.

PRODUCER
Like bees. That's smart.

LOUIS
But we have to keep the audience focused.

GEOFF
(Distantly and truly panicked)
What are they focusing on? The star's dying and we're all standing here backstage.

ROD
She isn't dying.

PRODUCER
Figure it out yourselves.

He leaves.

LOUIS
They can hear us arguing. The room in there is just a nightmare.

The paramedics arrive as Carson and a stagehand enter from the house.

GEOFF
(to the paramedics)
he's her um step-father, let him through.

Carson gestures for Geoff to follow, Geoff stays put.

CARSON
Geoff–

PARAMEDIC
If you're riding with her, we've got to go, sir.

They go.
Everyone is silent.

LOUIS
We've got to find someone–
(To Adam)
Are you one of the dancers?

ADAM
Why? Are you still casting?

GEOFF
Adam, who let you back here?

ADAM
You look like a dancer, they'll think you're a dancer. They let you in.

ROD
(Lighting a cigarette)
He's asking if you're funny.

ADAM
Only to him.

GEOFF
Adam, go, please.

ADAM
I'm a theatre historian. I'm writing a book about this exact show. I'll call it: "shit-show 78: a tale of a dutch director and a coked out superstar" it'll be a best seller by Tuesday.

GEOFF
Adam.

ADAM gets the deal, he doesn't leave but he steps back.

ROD
I'm sure one of them is still left.

ADAM
They're outside. I'm sure of it.

LOUIS
All of them? Geoff, do you know why these young- these young actors, these kids, why they act like this? It's unprofessional.

GEOFF
It's a very high tension situation.

ROD
Geoff!

GEOFF
What?!

ROD
Implications don't seem to be working on you. You're an actor, go out there. Make them laugh. You've had to- Ashley did comedy, I know you and her.

GEOFF
Let's not talk about Ashley.

ROD
This is a bizarre situation.

GEOFF
It's not bizarre. The show is over, Rodney. They're all out on the street too, by now. We should just give up. Really, I never enjoyed the theater, I think it's a great time for us to all leave. Really, I think I should. I come from a long line of steelworkers–

LOUIS breaks his tone and walks right up to Geoff.

LOUIS
(Serious, but uncomfortable)
Geoffrey, this show could ruin our careers. She passed out during our song. Our song, Geoff. What are you going to do? Don't do that to me.

ROD
And what would Ashley want you to do? I mean, her daughter….

LOUIS
You are the only one here who can make this situation any better.

ROD
Please.

LOUIS
We're not as close as we used to be, Geoff.

ROD
He would've done this in the 50s…

LOUIS
(Taking a pill)
Age has snuck up on some of us.

Defeated and dazed, Geoff pulls a big grin and goes.

LOUIS
Thank you, Geoff. I'll call tomorrow morning!!
(To Rod)
Do you still want to get dinner?

ROD
I think I'm going to call Anne.

LOUIS
Oh, me too. We'll get takeout.

They start to go.

ADAM
You're just leaving?

ROD
It isn't our problem.

LOUIS
I wish someone would tell him that.

ROD
We just write the songs, kiddo.

LOUIS
He is so kind to go out there and keep the peace for a few more moments.

ROD
He would be a terrific producer.

ADAM
What?

ROD
You want to be a dancer?

LOUIS
Just ask him. If you want to perform, you have to be ready to perform.

ROD
This is why we only write.

ADAM
Gosh, doesn't that bother you about yourselves? I mean– I'm not trying to be rude here, I understand if I come off as rude, but this is a very rude situation, I think it's justified– I mean, you just sent him out there. That woman could die. He seemed–

LOUIS
A lot of people could die.
(Gentle)
Kid, this is how we work here… Part of life is taking your slice of toast, regardless of who won't get one… This show will fall apart, but we'll be paid, Geoff will be paid.

ADAM
If it's about money–

ROD
Our reputations are still on the line. Geoff's being out there will be a real treat, a real masterclass in how to deal with a crisis. No one has ever seen Geoff just, alone.

ADAM
This behavior is– no, I'm going to tell you a piece of my mind, because I've witnessed this stuff all the– and I've always wondered why he hates when I'm around you people, but I see why, I see why– I hope you know that this isn't personal but I just have to say it– but, really, what I'm saying is- no, what I'm seeing… this is really appalling.

LOUIS
Do you know why we did it?

ADAM
I think you just told me.

ROD
This is just theater.

ADAM
I get that! I really do. I've been around all sorts of people like this, like you, and really, I have noticed the same thing. I mean Jack Ains– this is theater, but it doesn't have to be. You might be able to bounce back once this really goes belly up–

ROD
It already has.

ADAM
–But he won't! He's your friend! What else is he supposed to do?

LOUIS
Geoff's a very good actor. I'm sure you know that.

They start to go, but Rod stops. He takes out a card.

ROD
You look far too good for him.

ADAM
He's got money.

ROD
Oh, I know… but so do I.
He hands the card to Adam.
They go. Adam stands for a second.
The producer enters.

PRODUCER
Sending him out there. That was a good idea. Was that your idea?

ADAM
No. I don't have good ideas.

Complete blackout.
Lights up on the stage of the show. GEOFF enters. Cautious applause. Geoff is unsure what he's doing, and for once in his life, has been struck with a real stage fright.
The audience is loud, but silenced by his presence.

GEOFF
Hi…. Some show we've given you tonight. I really have to applaud the orchestra. Let's applaud the orchestra.

Silence.

Let's again do the- the, um- overt-t-t- over-ch– over–

We don't need to play it.. If you can't say it you probably shouldn't play it. That's some wise advice to all you people out there.

I hope you can- you can't probably hear me in the back. I haven't been in a theater of this size in many many years.. I may have forgotten to- you know, uh, speak loud enough. Loud. Umm… I know the word, you know the word, I'll mess it up if I speak it.

I hope you're liking the show. I'm not liking it very much, but I hope you're liking the show. We won't be turning back to the show tonight but I thought it would be nice to just have a little chat. Right? A little chat.. Just a - hello, hi. I haven't been on a stage in a very long time. I know you don't recognize me.

Oh, no, you probably do. Do you watch television? I assume you watch television. I put it aside because I do this now, but I'm not that strong of a writer, but I'm very good at being on television. I hope I'm not a familiar face, that idea has always made me so uncomfortable… I don't watch television, personally, though I think you all should– if only for… job security….. or something of the like. I don't watch it but I do own a television set, and back when I lived alone, I would put it on for the noise. I don't live in a mansion, or anything, I live in a little, small house, I don't like wasting lots of space. So it was like I had someone chatting with me from the other room. It was comforting… I sound so sick. Our star is probably going to die.

The audience is stunned.

They didn't say that, but that's how I feel.

He sits down at the lip of the stage.

I've always been very keen to death. My father died when I was 24… or maybe 25… and well I remember what I did when I learned was that I went to the kitchen, and I did the dishes. There are no dishes to do here…. She'll probably be fine. Please don't tell them that I said that. Them being the tabloids. Or the rest of the press. Or.. your friends and family. Don't tell them either. This is a night you'll never forget, but you don't want to remember– I'm struck with the realization that I don't know what I'm saying. They asked me to come out here to keep you all… focused. Focused on what? Focused on me. Or yourselves. This is why I couldn't ever teach. Focused- oh, yes, what I was saying. Well, I have all these monologues memorized. You know, Isben, Hart, even Miller, all these monologues. I have a terrific memory. And I thought I'd come up here and perform some and maybe you'd think this was some experiment, or maybe just a nightmare. But I suddenly cannot remember anything I've ever read before. Isn't that funny? I wonder how that works for people who aren't sitting on a stage in front of an ever-dwindling audience? Do you forget your names? Or do you not get into situations like these? That makes much more sense…

He gets up and shields his eyes.

I wish they'd raise the lights. How many of you are left? Probably not much. I would not stay. I mean WHAT A STORY!! What a story to tell.

(He mimes being on the phone)

you will never guess what we saw at the theater today! No, Ethel, It wasn't a chorus line!

(He hangs the phone up)

Is that how people talk to each other? I've really come to the conclusion lately, friends, that I have no idea how real people talk. I've known for a very long while that I'm surrounded by people who have had all their organs sucked out of them, but I occasionally go to this deli and I heard a couple arguing outside. And dear god, I had no idea what they were saying, it was like nothing I'd ever heard. I wanted to just stand there and listen and listen and listen because I had never heard anyone speaking like that, but I have, I just don't know when or where. You spend enough time around actors, as an actor, that you forget what way the world turns. I had no idea what they were saying, I just knew that it was turning and turning and turning, and I could never do that. I'm not even saying anything natural, or human– no, that's the thing, I've never felt that anything I'm saying is what I'm saying. The words are being fed to me by cue cards, someone else wrote them. I could never figure out who and sometimes I wonder if it's just me and I'm too distracted to realize it's me writing them…. I think you all should leave. But you shouldn't, it's my job to keep you comfortable enough that you feel like you've seen a real show and you breathe and you leave with a smile instead of ideas and knowledge. That's what this whole thing is about. It's the same on television, not to sound like an old old man, but that's the job, we want to infect your minds, that's our job, and that's what you want! That's what you want, there's nothing wrong with wanting it!! And I'm trying to give it to you but I shouldn't be trying to give it to you, someone needs to pull me off. Pull me off!! Jesus Christ! This show is inadequately staffed, our producer is very anti-union. They need to send a stage hand to strike me… with a very heavy board, in the back of the head, it would do us all some good, friends. Fantastic sight gag for you. I can hear the laughter already.
Laughter- laughter– what was I going to- It's very funny to me how you all are watching me. I've always disliked and preferred not to think about how my face is recognized, and taken in, and processed in your minds. I mean, no one person was ever meant to be seen a million times. God up in heaven was not planning and considering that when he built man, him being seen that many times by people he can't see. I can't see you, you can see me. If I can't see you, can you see me? Like a child with his eyes over his hands… no, his hands over his eyes. Eyes over hands would be quite frightening… Does it bother you just as much as me that I'm here and someone is dying– a young woman is dying– I remember when she was born, her mother called me and told me that all she wanted was a cigarette, and so I brought her a pack of cigarettes. Ashley Stevens! Ashley Stevens, and that's her daughter– WE ALL CALLED HER JUNIOR!!!! How cute is that? How cute is that? Did you know that you all killed Ashley? You did. I think about it every night. You killed her! No matter what any doctor ever said, you people tore her apart, and they tore her apart, and everyone tore her apart, and ate her alive, and so did I! I'm doing it now, I'm doing the same to her daughter and I'm hopefully going to do the same to all of you. I mean that, I mean, I really do mean it. I would love to see each and every one of you suffer and die, right in front of me, right now. That would probably be how it should be, probably would be a better end to the night, a better quest, a better thing, and I was only joking when I said you killed her, no one killed her, God killed her. God is sick like that, he's very sick right now. I don't buy that God is some bad person, I think that he's just sick. He needs help. But there's no psychiatrist for God! No, no, not yet. Maybe one of you! I think that would be fantastic. With all he's seen, there's no doubt he could use it…..

He sits down and begins to bite at his sleeve.

Oh, stories. Do you want to hear a story? That's what I should've been telling. I was never into the comedy thing, Ashley was. She was the funniest person all the time, she made me feel boring, which I loved. She was so good. Very good woman.
My story, my story, my story… what was it? Oh, I lost it. I'll tell a different one. When I was 30, my eldest brother, Bob, big guy, very shy, very sweet guy, my favorite brother, well he stopped talking to me because I was a fag– am a fag, and we still don't talk– which I at the time wasn't very sad about, I just found it kinda insulting. When I was… I think 29? He invited me over for a big Christmas dinner. Which was fantastic, because boy do I love crashing family events, and so I stopped by and I was just the sweetest thing, and then the moment that peace was cemented in the room, I grabbed an entire bottle of wine, downed it all, and most fantastically, this is the fantastic part, this could've won me a Tony, when they got upset with me– which was really what I wanted, I love conflict and fighting and making everyone stare at me, because I hate being stared at! Funny right?! Hysterical! And so because they were all staring at me, I locked myself in his bathroom and they screamed at me through the door, and I even bothered to argue back, it was such a show! It was horrendous, it was hilarious, they had CHILDREN there, there were children in the house as I did all this, and my other brother was even threatening to call the police, the police! That would've been too fun, and I do mean too fun, I never had any interest in the law, it would've ruined me, I was not meant to be a lawyer or a criminal, though some would say they're the same thing! and so I had the best idea I've ever had, I opened up their big bottle of aspirin, downed it with the rest of the wine, and then felt soooo very stupid that I puked it up in their bathtub, and climbed out the little bathroom window. It was fantastic, it was such a show, so they had all the right reasons to hate me and he hated me because I was gay! Utterly pathetic, what a total waste of the energy to stage something like that just for no one to hate you. They just send you letters and call collect!

He smiles big.

How much of that do you think was real? Ponder it, consider it tonight. I'm a fantastic liar, everything I say is a lie. Everything. Every little word. I'm fantastic. This is why I became an actor…
You know I've never really done cocaine? It's the hip thing to do, our star was doing it backstage… I've tried it. Not with her, obviously, I don't encourage that sorta thing for young girl. It was a few years ago. I found it a little underwhelming. I just felt more. I've tried everything before, everything. Everything. And now everyone snorts just piles of coke before everything. I think it's one of the best societal changes. I'll show up at a straight and WASP-y, nose up, shoulders back, friend's house, and he'll be telling me about how they made their fence a foot higher because:

Still biting at his sleeve when he pauses, he stands up to do the impression.

"you know, we've got those kids, those kids, those kids living in that little apartment complex across the street, you know those kids. It really is a pity, Geoff, really. I mean it's a rough life to live, but it's not my job to fix it."

He's too distracted to sit down again.

And then we'll turn the corner and right on the table is just a mountain of cocaine, and two pristine golden razors. It's fantastic. It's really great. I love it. I love people like that. I love when things throw themselves right in front of me and I don't even notice. A lot of things do that. I HAVE GOT to stop throwing parties, and for the most part I have, but I really think that tonight would be a great night for a party. But the type where you all snort the aforementioned cocaine and I crawl into the crawlspace– it's so funny that they call it a crawlspace! It is, in fact, a place you can crawl in– and let you just do your thing while I lie there. Wouldn't that just be a great end to this life? All of you assholes are my friends now! I can't see your faces but that's exactly what I like, what you like, what we all like, that's why we're here. It's swell! This is a real swell situation and this theater is full of the cream off the– what's the saying? I don't remember! Why should I remember! Well, you're all just cream. You're the heights of society, and that's why I love you all so much. You're fantastic! You're marvelous. Everyone thinks you are all just the best. Everyone on earth is thinking about you! Everyone! Everyone is just focused entirely, in their little rumbling brains, on you! Yes you, and you and you and whoever else is left in this dump of a theater. Ohhhhh ohhhhh that's not true, I'm sorry. I really am soooo sorry. This theater didn't do anything to me. Not yet. Maybe someone will light it on fire. Or enter from the foyer and shoot me directly in the head. GOOD AIM, JOHN!!

He starts on the other sleeve.

I am so excited to be here, as you can tell. You can definitely tell. And I can tell you can tell too. We can all just read each other's minds tonight.

He suddenly goes quiet, and then laughs wildly.

My mind is very very funny. I hope you appreciated that one.

Silent again.

I'm sure you enjoyed that. I'm sure. It's GREAT for people like you, it's what you want, it's what you rats thrive off. You have to eat the kitchen scraps of despair…. You know what I'm getting from you? I'm getting everyone's individual thoughts, all of them, all at once, and what I can say is that I know exactly what you feel, how you feel right now. I know and I'm glad. I hope that on your way home from the theater, when you're stuck in traffic, and you're hardly awake, staring blankly at the taillights of the idiot in front of you who cannot drive, a car comes flying off from the street and t bones each and everyone of you into a building. Oh that would just be remarkable. Remarkable luck. This city couldn't wish for anything more!!!

He lowers himself to the ground.

Why do you keep thinking things like that? I just told you– and you keep inflicting it on me. I didn't do anything to you. None of us did. You didn't do anything to me. But I'm not- I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm not. I don't want to hurt people. I don't. People are so fragile and finite. You're all like ceramic. I'd be so scared to put you down on the counter. I can hear the tap. It's so sharp. I'm the same way. You can hear it too, right? I'm the same way. I'm the same way but no one– I know you don't believe it, stop thinking about it, stop please just for a second…

Thank you.

It's like you wake up and you find your coffee cup has a little… bit off in the handle, and you don't know where it came from, who did it, how it happened. But you can hear the sound of chipped ceramic, and you wonder if maybe you hit it on the cabinet a little too hard when you put it up with the others. It's not even that special of a coffee cup, it's just there. And you did that to it and even if a guest did it, it's still your fault because it's in your cabinet…

Unless you're renting the house.

He lays down and covers his eyes.

You should leave.

A pause. He sits up and gives a little bow. Then smiles.

Transition to:
GEOFFREY'S HOUSE.

ADAM is sitting on the couch.
The door opens and enters GEOFFREY REY.

ADAM
You sure took your time getting home!

GEOFF
Did I?

ADAM
Carson called. It is so funny to me how he still thinks I'm your assistant. Anyways, what I mean, sorry, is that Ms. Stevens is okay. Resilient girl.

GEOFF
Oh. I'm glad.

As Geoff speaks, he looks through the cabinet and pours himself a drink, except his focus is elsewhere and he knocks something over, spills something etc. etc. All without noticing.

GEOFF
What a waste of time tonight was.

ADAM
I thought it was a great time. One for the books.

GEOFF
She's so much like her mother some days, it makes me dizzy.

ADAM
Did her mother collapse on stage?

GEOFF
Oh, god no. She was much more professional. If Ashley had to collapse, she would do it after the show. She had good work ethic.

ADAM
What was she like?

GEOFF
I can't remember much about her. I didn't know her very well. Just for a long time. You know how that is? Or you probably don't.

ADAM
I understand what you mean.

GEOFF
Yes. We weren't really friends. Or anything. I just knew her. People like that, people, real ones, with big personalities, you figure them out quickly.

ADAM
(Referring to the liquor cabinet situation)
Do you need some help there?

GEOFF
Oh. No, I'm fine. Would you like one?

ADAM
Sit down.

In all the chaos, Geoff has failed to actually pour himself anything, but he still has the glass.
He sits down.
Adam watches him for a second. Geoff looks at him.
Adam kisses him.

ADAM
What happened tonight?

Geoff doesn't answer.

"Rodney" says I am too good for you.

GEOFF
You are, it makes him jealous.

ADAM
And Louis. Louis. I should've gone after him. God.

GEOFF
You're not his type.

ADAM
Why not?

GEOFF
You're not married to Anne.

ADAM
Oh. What happened after they sent you out?

GEOFF
You didn't hear it?

ADAM
I left.

GEOFF
Oh. I just rambled a bit, told them about… the show, about how everything was fine. Very formal. Stuffy. I should've been lighter. It felt like a funeral.

ADAM
Ah, well. It was the best night of someone's life

He takes the glass.

Do you ever wash these?

GEOFF
I used to, but since I'm the only one who uses them nowadays I don't really need to bother.

Adam starts chuckling, which turns into laughter.

ADAM
I've been here for almost 2 years and every day I learn some awful new fact about you. God, you are bizarre.

GEOFF
I've been told.

ADAM
It's great. It's great. ohhhh. Geoff, Geoff, Geoff… this is the best night of my entire life.

GEOFF
We've sat on the sofa many times, what makes this one any better?

Geoffrey starts to crack up.
Really? What makes it better?

ADAM
It was a very fun night.

GEOFF
Fun? For who? Norman Bates?

ADAM
For everyone but you! The audience thought it was a publicity stunt. Rod and Louis–

GEOFF
A publicity stunt?

ADAM
Dying on stage would've been very good publicity!

GEOFF
I'll keep it in mind for my one man show.

ADAM
Geoff, you know what you have to do– not that I should be giving advice, but I was given advice that's very wise, I think– You have to take your toast. You have to accept it and move on. It's already too late, we might as well– you don't have to live this life. You have savings, I can teach, we can go live somewhere else, anywhere else, away from all this. You can't tell me that you really- from what I've observed- not that I'm always right, I'm not saying that- want this. I mean, you've done so much already? Why keep doing this to yourself.

GEOFF
It's just how I was raised.

ADAM
I think we've come to the conclusion that you were raised by maniacs! I hope that's not insulting.

GEOFF
I promised her this show.

ADAM
And she didn't appreciate it. You gave her the chance, and let's be fair, she squandered it.

GEOFF
Everyone deserves second chances.

ADAM
And when's yours?!
He can't look at him.

Life isn't just about art, and leaving a footprint, and life isn't miserable. Life is hard enough, people don't like you for things you can't change, and no one wants you to be happy, even your friends, but for how ugly and horrible life is, well, God didn't put us here to revel in it. I mean, life can be good, you can live a life full of joy and love and late nights and music and sex and people who like you.

GEOFF grabs his hand or touches his knee.

GEOFF
Everyone likes me.

ADAM
It would really be so much better.

Geoff waits a while, and then something clicks on (or off?) He gets up.

GEOFF
I've just figured out–

ADAM
Please.

GEOFF
Don't wait.

GEOFF goes, taking his keys.

The lights go down.

We go:
TALK SHOW HOST and BOY WONDER sit.

TALK SHOW HOST
Welcome back to our series, "Voices of The American Musical"...

So, we're at a point now where you've scored your first movie, and your first show remains the highest grossing show on Broadway, but you're not even thirty.

BOY WONDER
It's a little bit crazy for me too.

TALK SHOW HOST
Do you plan to return to the stage anytime soon?

BOY WONDER
No. I really like the freedom of not having to work with a lyricist, honestly, and the stage is so complicated, you're playing a thousand roles, but here I just do the work, and then when I get home, I have time for the rest of my work.
Really I wish that I had discovered it earlier, would've really helped, you know… When you're so young, not that I have any sense of authority on the matter, you make decisions for your art and for the people around your art, against the people you are supposed to dedicate yourself to.

TALK SHOW HOST
No, I think that's very wise.

BOY WONDER
You see it everyday in that industry, infidelity, drugs.

TALK SHOW HOST
Senseless rambling.

The AUDIENCE laughs.
BOY WONDER
What I wouldn't give to have been in that room. I almost went, I almost did.

TALK SHOW HOST
Did you ever know, uh, Doherty?

BOY WONDER
I did. Early in development for Kissing, he was the writer, but eventually we decided to go with Maurice, better fit.

TALK SHOW HOST
You clearly made the right decision.
BOY WONDER
He's a good guy, good enough. But not all of us are meant to work on the stage. Which I've learned about myself.

TALK SHOW HOST
Never?

BOY WONDER
Only if the right person asked me the right way, for the right project.

TALK SHOW HOST
You never dedicate yourself to a cause too hard.

BOY WONDER
Never.
We transition:

OLIVE and JACK's apartment.
JACK is working with OLIVE.

OLIVE
Well, yes, but I changed it a bit, because she's about 5 inches shorter than the last girl but about 95% leg.

JACK
I saw.

OLIVE
So, to keep everything balanced she does more shoulders than legs.

JACK
I'm sure it works.

OLIVE
You're fine with me changing it?

JACK
It looks good.

He sits down.

OLIVE
Jack, I've got a concept for you.

JACK
Olive, I won't do it. There's nothing. I'll only do movies.

OLIVE
I want you to use that wonderful influence of yours to pay me back.

JACK
What am I meant to be paying you back for? I gave you this, I let you keep the show running perfectly, I gave you everything. I even married you,

OLIVE
I let you marry me.

JACK
What am I getting out of it?

OLIVE
A cover-up, an assistant, the future writer of your biography, someone who hasn't left yet. And all I want now is for you to say, "You know, my wife is a wonderfully talented choreographer–"

JACK
You wouldn't have that talent without me! And I'm not working, I am not touching the theater ever again, until I do a movie! A movie, Olive, it's what I have to do. I have bumped my head into the top of the theater! If you're really my wife, you would get that!

OLIVE
You think that I didn't exist before I knew you? You think that you're some God whose hand alone shaped me into this?

JACK
I know I am.

OLIVE
I have talent, and I have skills, and all I need is for you to just say the words to someone, to anyone. You have spent all this time surrounding yourself with the people with the power and the money and one by one you have run them off, and I don't get it because I would do anything to have them. I would. But you're the last one.

JACK
No.

OLIVE starts getting ready to leave.

OLIVE
I'll be at the theater later tonight. I want to make sure the boys are doing the sunshine number correctly, and I'll only know if they aren't if I'm there without them knowing. I keep telling them that we can't just simplify, it all has meaning to it, but they don't listen.
But I'll be back very late, I'll try not to wake you as I pack my stuff, I'll be out by dawn at least.

JACK
Olive.

OLIVE
I will still be around to handle your affairs, because no one else on earth will, but otherwise, have fun. Have fun with your empty apartment. I'm sure it'll be great.

She goes to the door, opens it, to find GEOFFREY.
She lets him in.

OLIVE
I hate this city.

She goes.
JACK stares at GEOFFREY.

JACK
You can't be a queer in Hollywood.

GEOFFREY doesn't say anything.

And I'm going to Hollywood. So is she.

Mary steps down and goes to GEOFF.

MARY
What is there to say?

GEOFF
How's the show going, Jack?

JACK
Fine. Which I haven't heard of yours.

GEOFF
I need you.

JACK
Do you need me?

GEOFF
I need your eyes and your talent.

JACK
What can I do for you?

GEOFF
I need your help.

JACK
You burn the bridge, and you're back.

GEOFF
I was wrong. I was wrong, you're terrific and you're the only one who is terrific. I need you. You know how much of my time is spent thinking about you? What we could've done?

MARY
Do you even know that? Do you?

JACK
I want nothing more than to be friends with you. That's what I want.

GEOFF
You're a genius and you're the only one who can fix it.

JACK
I feel like we can see each other. And like we understand each other.

MARY
You don't understand anything.

GEOFF
You understand everything.

JACK
What did you need me to do?

GEOFF
The director isn't versed in the way of theater, he and the star are snorting more snow than you do in a week, and the show doesn't work, in any sense. It barely even counts as theater, people are barely getting onto the stage. You are a genius. You're a director, a real director. A real creative force and we need you.

JACK
Rod send you?

GEOFF
This is just me.

JACK
I'll pack a bag.

MARY
Well, isn't this just charming. Back together again.

JACK goes to the cabinet and takes out an 8 ball of cocaine.

JACK
Can we catch up?

GEOFF
There isn't much to catch up on.
I've accepted some level of failure.

JACK
(cutting lines)
I haven't been working at all.

GEOFF
Why not?

JACK
Nothing to work on.

ASHLEY steps down from the chorus.

ASHLEY
No one to let you work.

GEOFF
I've gotten so many opportunities. I've always had them, really, it's just that I can't grasp them tight enough.

JACK
Want one?

GEOFF
Oh, why the fuck not.

GEOFFREY snorts a line.
It's been a while.

JACK
Do you think I'll be able to fix this show?

ASHLEY
Well you have to. I mean, he came to you. If you fail to do this, what else is there to do?

GEOFF
Failure isn't scary to me anymore, it's just mundane.

MARY
How pathetic is that, kid?

JACK
It's not pathetic if it's just the truth.

GEOFF
Oh, Jack, you don't understand, a lot of things are so mundane.

MARY
That's why you've got two options.

JACK
So do I.

GEOFF
So do–

They look at each other as ASHLEY and MARY come and sit beside them.

MARY
You could do it together.

ASHLEY
It would be romantic.

GEOFF
She never talked like that.

MARY
I mean, two icons of the theatre, in a double suicide…

JACK
She didn't talk like that.

GEOFF begins to laugh.

You can get it? YOU CAN GET IT? Oh, I knew it, I knew it.

ASHLEY
Something spiritual?

MARY
Something theatrical.

GEOFF
You think maybe they're right?

JACK
I know they are, Geoff.

GEOFF
You've already accepted it.

JACK
If it wasn't meant to happen, why would they be here?

MARY
Bags upon bags of sleeping pills.

GEOFF
It's been done.

ASHLEY
Snort enough of this, blow up your heart.

JACK
Let's make a deal.

GEOFF (In unison with ASHLEY and MARY)
Yes?

JACK
I mean, you told me we'd do a show… so if I fix your show, will you-

GEOFF
I'll make a million shows with you. You will be the only person I work with– no matter what you do for time and time–

CHORUS
No, Geoff.

JACK (in unison with MARY and ASHLEY)
You'll have to kill yourself. With me.

GEOFF
That's what this means, that's what the sign is… I get it.

JACK
Yeah, yeah. You get it, you get it, I always knew you would.

CHORUS
13 years your junior.
No matter how much you try, he'll always be a kid.

MARY turns to them.

MARY
Be quiet.

They all go still.

ASHLEY
You can head off the stage.

The chorus leaves.

GEOFF
What else can we do? You're right, what else is there? It's so funny.

JACK
You always knew that this- you always knew it, you got it.

ASHLEY
It's a revolution.

GEOFF
But you'll never have gotten your show, I told you I'd give you a show.

JACK
That's the tragedy of it all.

MARY
You get it!

GEOFF
Friend, we're going out on our own terms.

JACK
Exactly. It'll be fantastic.

GEOFF
It's thrilling.

JACK
It's perfect.

GEOFF
OH… it is perfect. It's exactly what it should've been.

JACK
Quitting while we're ahead.

GEOFF
Quitting while we're ahead, friend. How tragic.

JACK
Might as well live it up now, then?

GEOFF
You have no idea.

ASHLEY
Yes he does.

GEOFF
She's right. I guess you do.
Oh… look at us. Friend, we talk about this as if it's no different than seeing a movie.

JACK
Well it's so normal, it's all I hear.

GEOFF
For years, baby boy. Just now it's her.

JACK
Really, I think it's you.

GEOFF
Cut me another line.

JACK
Then what?

GEOFF
We'll find something else, and do something else, and think of something else, and by then we'll already be back in California, back to fix the show.

JACK cuts him another line.

JACK
Are we going to have sex tonight? I'll have to stop cutting lines.

GEOFF
What? Oh. I don't know. What?
(He laughs)
I can pleasure you, Mr. Ainsworth, but I thought the show was enough.

JACK
Why are you being funny?

GEOFF
You're not my type.

JACK
What does that matter?

GEOFF
Why are you asking so many questions? You can make statements, I know you're not afraid of statements, declarations. That's something you've never been afraid of.

JACK
Don't veer away from the subject!

GEOFF
Your 30s are a great time to do whatever and whoever you can. God knows I didn't. But that means you've got a whole array of choices, and you stick with the fun ones.

Jack looks at him long and hard.
In my 30s, well early 30s, your age… I was in a relationship with this trucker, his name was Jim, and he was French-Canadian. And he was 52. And I'd see him… occasionally, and he'd write to me, and the rest of my time I'd spend working, or drinking, or working, or being at parties, or working, or working, or alone at home, or working. And then one day, he was gone, and I had no excuse to be alone.

JACK continues to look at him.
I've got this guy living with me now. And he's funny. And I enjoy him.
What I'm saying is that, I think you could do better. Than me.

JACK
Geoff, we're going to kill ourselves.

BOTH LAUGH.

GEOFF
I used to think this was some punishment. Eternally, you know? A real heavy one too.

ASHLEY
We're the ones punishing you?

JACK
What is she punishing you for?

MARY
I'm punishing you?

GEOFF
Another question.

JACK
I know what I'm being punished for, if it's a punishment.

GEOFF
Do you think it's rational?

JACK
You don't get to ask questions either if I can't.

GEOFF
I don't speak in absolutes. It's not how you get anything, it's… not what people find acceptable, it doesn't please them.

JACK
I don't care who I please.

GEOFF
Clearly.
It's all I ever think about.

JACK
That's pathetic.

GEOFF
It hasn't failed me yet.

JACK
It's failed you a lot.

GEOFF
Which is why I'm here! Christ, cut me another line, I need to feel something.

JACK
You've done too many.

GEOFF
I'm twice your size, I feel nothing.

GEOFF by this point very clearly is feeling it.

JACK
You want a downer?

GEOFFREY
I want to kill myself.

JACK
Not yet.

GEOFF
Not yet? Not yet, kid? You know how many times I've thought that. How many years and years and years I've stopped myself with that, "not yet" when is yet? Go on to fix the show without me, then kill yourself, but why shouldn't I do it tonight? Better time than any, really. Maybe really I'm the reason for all this.
When I was young, this guy I was with for years and years and years blew his brains out, and I think that was the sign. This is the second push. This is the bell being rung. Ding-ding we're waiting on you, Geoff! We're waiting! And really they are waiting, because eventually this will stop being a tragedy and start being just some mediocre rise and fall, a life of someone who was everything but no one all at once. For you this might be part of some elaborate show of life, for me this is just a new step forward in the same mud. You'd be better for it too, it would drive you forward, it would make it make sense. Which is the problem a bit, it doesn't make sense, what really brought me here, I mean, not here, but here, to the person I am, none of it makes sense. It's like a fable, a misprinted fable, and I've never understood it, Jack, I've never understood it for a second and if I could, I'm not sure I'd want to-

JACK
Do you believe in God?

MARY
he's god.

GEOFF
I believe in angels.

JACK
You're God.

GEOFF
One of them, maybe. A prophet. A professional Martyr for the world, maybe. She keeps saying it, and I guess she's right. I'm a spiteful God, spiteful to everyone and everything, I mean all I've built and I'm still just sitting here, Jack, and I'm going to kill myself whether or not you want me to, right now.

JACK
Not yet, Geoff, you said you'd wait.

GEOFF
I hate it when you say my name. You should keep it out of your mouth. It's never even felt like my name, it's a label stuck onto me like I'm a can of corn.

JACK
You said you'd wait.

GEOFF
Maybe I was lying, which I do a lot. Maybe I came here, and they're here watching, because I'm going to kill myself right here and right now and make you watch.

JACK
You're going to wait!

GEOFF
Why should I?

MARY and ASHLEY
You have to.

JACK
We get the choice to have a few good last days.

GEOFF
I don't need any good last days. I'm done with them, Jack. I just want it over with.

JACK
I want to have a good last few days.

GEOFF
Then go on and have them, and fix the show.

JACK
You have to wait.

GEOFF laughs.

GEOFF
Then you have to promise you won't say wait again. After.

JACK
I promise.

GEOFF
You never promise.

JACK
But I promise.

GEOFF
So do I.

JACK stretches for a moment. He goes and grabs a bottle of pills and gives one to Geoff.

JACK
Valium.

GEOFF
I don't think it'll do much, as I said, I feel nothing. I'm completely low, not close to high. I'm practically sober.

JACK doesn't respond.
GEOFF gets up and looks out the window or something.

GEOFF
Oh this city… you know what I regret more than anything? I never got my PH.D. I failed the first time around and never tried again. Fucking pathetic.

JACK
You sound like a real prick.

GEOFF
I am a real prick. I pride myself on it. It's why my family hates me more than you could ever imagine.

A moment.

When I was younger I had this obsession with mastering things. That's why I wanted the PHD. Which I never got because I'm ultimately a loser.
You know what I mastered instead? Giving head.

JACK
Tell me how you'd fix the show?

GEOFF
I don't know. I don't. I'm not good at it. I have no idea. You're the genius, you're the smart one.

JACK
You're the only one who has ever understood me.

GEOFF
And yet I can't be you.

Another moment.

JACK
I guess you can't, can you…

GEOFF
I wonder how long it'll take for me to feel something.

JACK
I'm suddenly itching to find out.
Lights lower and:
We transition:
Adam is stretching in the living room.
The door buzzes, and he opens it.
It's Louis and Rod.

ROD
Is he here?

ADAM
No.

LOUIS
Do you know when he'll be here?

ADAM
No. Do you? I'd expect that you'd know where he is better than I'd expect to know where he is? I mean you're his closest friends.

ROD
Has he heard our messages?

ADAM
No, he hasn't been here.

LOUIS
(Taking a pill)
Where's he been?

ADAM
You don't know?

ROD
What?

ADAM
No, I meant- what I'm saying is that I don't know where he is and you don't know where he is.

LOUIS
Well, when he gets back, tell him to call.

ADAM
I don't know where he is. I can take a message for him, but really, I think he has every right to do whatever he wants. I mean–

ROD
(To Louis)
After that stunt he pulled, I would also leave town.

LOUIS
And the country.

ADAM
What?

ROD
Well tell him that he needs to call us.

ADAM
I'm basically his assistant, you can tell me anything.

LOUIS
(Sweetly)
You're not very clever.

ADAM
You think I don't listen to his messages? I also read all his notes and I just generally love to pry. I'm even going to ghostwrite his memoir.

ROD
They're restarting production. That's what we're here to discuss with him. The moment she's well enough, we're back in production.

ADAM
Why are you here then? Why not the producer?

LOUIS
Geoff knows us.

ADAM
And they're keeping– that director? Hans? Hans, what an awful name, Hans Love, it's like a name in a bad porno film. Awful.

ROD
Yes.

ADAM
That doesn't make any sense.

LOUIS
It's contracts and money, and–

ADAM
Contracts and money and what if? I don't really know much about this sorta thing, my mother wanted me to study business but I studied English instead and then education with a minor in dance all the time, I really should've majored in dance– I don't understand this sorta thing but what if, I know it'll probably get you sued, but what if… you say that they can't use your music? And Geoff too. All of you just threaten to leave. Pull the rights. I mean you wrote it.

ROD
What?

ADAM
And if it's never been done before, well, it'll shock them all into folding, and then you can bring on your own director. Maybe Grower Champion, like they did with– what I'm saying is that if you really exert your force, what you have, I mean, you could do this yourself.

LOUIS
That wouldn't work.

ROD
That's not what we do.

ADAM
Sure it might get you labeled as "hard to work with" but I mean the other option is letting Hans work Ms. Stevens to death. I mean, that would be very awful. But I'm sure Geoff would go for it. You can get together and figure it out– you don't even have to have a director, just make them halt everything until you can all come together and make a new director.

LOUIS
That's not how it works.

ADAM
You three have all the power in the world over this show. It's your words.

ROD
We're not going to do that.

ADAM
Well, sure, I mean, fine, I said that I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I'm just talking, do you want coffee? I can put on coffee.
Listen, what I'm saying is that, you, you threaten it. You sound serious enough, you're intense enough about it, but you're not actually going to do it. But you have to make them think you will. It's the theater of business. If I'd gotten around to selling any houses instead of running off with a dancer who thought I was just slightly above average, for an Italian-- which, sidenote, I'm not even Italian. My surname is Italian, but I was raised mostly around my mother's family, and they're not Italian-- And then get here for him to leave me because I dared to say that we shouldn't go and harass people who we tried to ruin the career of for our own personal gain only to get into a relationship with a plain looking and… honestly not that rich guy 17 years older than me who is just a massive alcoholic and whose only real positive trait is the fact that he seems to like me enough that he hasn't buried me in the backyard, which is what I assume everything in Hollywood does when they're done with someone-- I got off topic. What I'm saying is, threats are a great way to pressure greedy rich cowards into doing things you need them to do.

LOUIS
(Genuine)
Do you talk a lot because you're nervous or do you like to hear your own voice?

ADAM
Yes. To both. No, listen. I don't think you should listen to me, considering I'm a failed dancer whose only marketable skill is my extensive knowledge of women of a certain age on the Broadway stage, but I think that I'm right all the same.

ROD
Would you let us know when he's back?

LOUIS
It might be too late by then.

ADAM
I doubt it. When does the show open on Broadway?

ROD
End of next month.

ADAM
Oh, yeah, you're screwed. Sorry. I'll send my condolences.

Laughter outside, and the sound of keys.

The door is– the door is opened! You can just–

Geoff and Jack enter. Both are coked up.
Throughout the following dialogue, Geoff keeps very busy and frantic, moving things, etc, while Jack paces between Rod, Louis and Adam, and occasionally stops to grab onto one of them, or something along those lines.

Geoff is chewing gum, or a toothpick, or something along those lines.

GEOFF
Oh, look at this? A whole organization collected in my living room. They're going to form a limited liability corporation. Birthplace of heavy industry.

JACK
They are, or maybe they aren't. Well I've come here.

GEOFF
Yes, he's been brought here,

JACK
It really is just fantastic to see you.

GEOFF
You're so kind for stopping by, we're stopping by, we're here.

JACK
It's not stopping by if it's your– hey, Louis, I've got this terrific show I'm working on, but it's not as terrific as how terrific this show is going to be.

GEOFF
And that's the crux of it, that's the crux, that's the entire thing– Adam, hi.

ADAM
Maybe this would be a good time for you three to head out–

GEOFF
Hi. I missed you. I did. And I promise I usually don't leave, this was a very particular situation, very particular. Would you put on some coffee? That would be very nice. And your guests- you're guests, our guests, make yourself right at home, please, be sure.

JACK
It has been so long! Oh, Louis, Rodney, you are just the sweetest– look at those eyes. Louis… Gosh, you are like a statue. Isn't he a sculpture, Geoff?

LOUIS
I'll put the coffee on.

ROD grabs his arm.

GEOFF
I brought him, I brought him.

JACK
We came together. I brought you.

GEOFF
I brought you.

JACK
We brought each other.

GEOFF
That… is profound. Isn't that profound?

JACK
Thank you, I– I'm here! I'm here, guess why I'm here? Guess why he brought me?

GEOFF
It was the will of God.

JACK
Guess why we are here. Why I'm here. Adam, Adam, guess? Tell them. The answers. The answer. You know it, you're very smart and very tall. You know on our way down here? We had a layover to get this, Phoenix. I have never been to Phoenix. What an airport… jet travel is just so amazing, I'm amazing–

GEOFF
Oh he is.

ADAM
PLEASE JUST TELL US WHY HE'S HERE!!

JACK
Well, you see, I'm a genius. I'm a genius. I'm a genius and he said so.

GEOFF
He is. He really is and I think that he's the perfect- he could fix the show, if we just let him fix the show, and so I'm going to let him fix the show. I think it's in our best interest.

ROD
Absolutely not.

GEOFF
Ohh, Rod, that is just so severe language–

JACK
(Over Geoff)
You hate me for no reason and that's why no one here respects you– you're worthless, you're worthless, Rodney, you will never do anything good again, you halt progress because you know that we know more than you can do more than you will create!!

LOUIS
This is ridiculous, Geoff. This is nothing like you. Jack, this is very rotten behavior to bring him into this.

LOUIS starts to go and GEOFFREY steps in front of him and puts his hands on his shoulders. Very tenderly, terrifying.

GEOFF
No, no, I brought him, I brought him, he's going to fix our show, Louis, he's going to fix it. Don't you want him to fix the show– the show, Louis, the show, our show. He's going to fix it.

ROD
Geoff, come on

GEOFF
You people can spend the rest of your lives doing nothing but my life is different and I'm different from you. And I've brought our savior, I've brought our Jesus, and he's going to fix everything, he's going to solve everything. This can be fixed and I know he can fix it. He's very talented, we all know he's talented.

LOUIS
Geoff. Please…. We all know I'm stronger than you.

JACK
You people are so selfish and sick, you think about no one but yourself! And I think about all of you all the time. All the time.

ROD
We're going.

JACK
No, you're not, you're going to listen to me! And I'm going to tell you exactly what you're going to do and your show will be a success and it will be good and then–

GEOFF
Look, boys, I know that your goal is to ruin me, right and I know that this messes it up.

ROD
Don't throw accusations like that around.

GEOFF
It's okay, it's okay, I'd also want to throw me out into traffic, I would, but I'm telling you no- no, no, I'm telling you no, and you're not going to move.

ROD
Geoff, I don't understand why–

JACK
All of you listen to me. Listen to me. I need you to look at me and listen because you're missing the point! I am here to help you, and you all owe me a– you have to say that you know I'm going to help you because I want to help you.

ROD
I don't think you can.

SUDDENLY, Jack is angry and he goes out, slamming the door behind him, screaming some obscenity as he does.

GEOFF
(rattled)
See, now that was– that was very- that was very unnecessary. That was quite unnecessary, Rod. This is all very unnecessary.

LOUIS
I think it's in your best interest to step away, Geoff.

GEOFFREY
That was very unnecessary. Very- you were all waiting for this.

ROD
We're going. We'll speak soon.

GEOFF
This was your intention! This was your intention, wasn't it? This is exactly what you wanted. This is what you've always wanted. I was a pawn, Rod. You people- I never, I could never, your faces.

LOUIS
We're going, Geoff. We'll leave.

GEOFF
No this is always- has always been true, it's true, I know that it's true and I've always known.

ROD
(To Adam)
Do you want to come with us?

GEOFF
I've always known it to be true and I denied it because I liked you, I liked you, I liked you all, and you both, very deeply, you're very deep friends. But I'm not, you're not, you wouldn't do anything–

ROD
These accusations, Geoff.

GEOFF
They're not accusations, you know that I'm right and that I'm saying it because I'm right and we all know it. Everyone knows it and I have always known it would be part of the plan but just this once. No, no, please, just listen, please, it's in your best interest, please, this is all that I can do and you're not letting me do it, Rod, it's very cruel and I feel very sick to hear you say it, please you have to get it, please, I am- I am.

Geoff has slipped from excited high to panic attack high. Woo.

I don't know why you'd do this, I don't- I don't understand it, everything is going to come together I've made sure that it's coming together, it's all I can do. How am I supposed to- why do you all want this over and over and- It's not right. It's not right I've never done anything to you. I've never- you- oh, god, it was all just, it was all just-

ROD
We'll speak soon, Geoff.

Rod goes. Louis stands for a second, and looks at Adam.

LOUIS
When you hit rock bottom, you can only go up.

Louis goes.

ADAM
Coffee would be great right now.

Adam goes into the kitchen.
We transition:
We are now at the theater,
And the opening number that we last saw has been restaged.
It is smoother, less intense, and prettier, and the choreography is gorgeous.
As the number stops and goes into the scene, the actors behind to pantomime, and downstage HANS, GEOFFREY, PRODUCER, LOUIS, ROD, AND JACK enter.

HANS is frustrated, GEOFF is agony, ROD and LOUIS don't really care, the PRODUCER is bored, and JACK is "on"

JACK
I don't want to have to say it.

HANS
You're all perfectionistic.

JACK
Everything that you have staged is incomprehensible. It has no flow.

HANS
It's conceptual.

JACK
It's nonsensical.

HANS
That's because of the script.

GEOFF
Which you revised.

JACK
It needs a complete restaging.

HANS
You can't just let him come in here and take over my role.

PRODUCER
You have to consider the good of the show Hans, of how it'll make your girl up there look.

HANS
I am the only one capable of pushing something like this. I am the only one who could draw in an audience. I think you are perfectionistic.

PRODUCER
We need to decide whether we'll restage or not.

ROD
If I can say something, if Jack here does a complete restaging, we won't open in time. We need someone to fix the entrances, make it more cohesive.

JACK
The issues go beyond the entrances.

HANS
The issues are in the script.

GEOFF
Which you revised. Against my wishes.

PRODUCER
We can't revert the script. It's too late to revert the script.

ROD
We'd have to drop half the score if we did.

PRODUCER
Our options are tight here. Mr. Ainsworth, please help us within reason. Fix the entrances.

JACK
You need to fix more than the entrances!

PRODUCER
We don't have time!

JACK
Then push the opening back!

HANS
If she knew how you were pushing me out like this, she would walk! If I leave, she leaves.

PRODUCER
You're not being made to leave.

JACK
You should be! You've done a terrible job! What we need is to push the opening back so that I can have a real chance to fix it. All of it.

PRODUCER
We have bled this production dry, we can't afford to push the opening off even a day.

JACK
What you lose in pushing it off, you'll make up in ticket sales if it's good.

ROD
What? Are you a child? Good theater doesn't sell tickets, Jack.

JACK
If it's good enough! You can't expect me to push my effort into paddling a sinking ship!

GEOFFREY
He's right.

ROD
He's foolish!

HANS
(Very angry)
I am done! You know what? I will tell her to stay. But I am done. This show is fantastic. This show is the best anyone could ever do with the material. I will not let myself be slandered by this tiny man and these sick--

JACK
(Grabbing him)
Look, man, you want to never work again? Keep talking.

HANS shoves him.

HANS
May you and your show burn in hell.

JACK swings at him and soon they're fighting. The PRODUCER pulls Hans off while GEOFFREY pulls Jack away.

JACK
You will never, ever, work again.

HANS
Not in this business.
(He spits at him)
But Hollywood sure won't take you.

He goes.

GEOFF
Well, I guess that solves it. How quickly can you work?

PRODUCER
ARE YOU INSANE? Absolutely not! Absolutely not, what the hell is wrong with you? With both of you?! We don't solve problems in musical theater by beating the director, that's not how it goes. You know? They told me that you're a wildcard and that they were only humoring you to appease him so he didn't blab to the press, but I didn't know it was like this.

GEOFF
(To ROD and LOUIS)
That's not true!

ROD
We say what we feel.

GEOFF
That's called lying, Rodney.

JACK
Who else is going to fix your show, buddy? Or are you going to bring this to Broadway as is? Watch it close in 14 days, keep you from ever producing again? You need it restaged.

PRODUCER
We need the entrances fixed. That's it.

JACK
Oh, what? So it can close in 16 days instead?

ROD
You really are a piece of work.

PRODUCER
We need the entrances fixed. That's it. There's nothing else we can or will do.

JACK
You want me to just watch a show crash and burn around me as I "fix your entrances" You're soulless.

PRODUCER
You're not going to be fixing anything. You're off this production.

GEOFFREY
That wasn't the deal.

PRODUCER
You attack the director, you're automatically off a show. You're welcome to walk, Geoff. If we have to turn this into a fucking concert we will, but I'd recommend against it, because I will talk to the press.

PRODUCER goes. ROD goes. LOUIS starts to follow but stops.

LOUIS
I'm really sorry, Geoff. And he is too.

LOUIS goes.
MARY and ASHLEY enter. They loom nearby, watching.

JACK
I really blew that, didn't I?

ASHLEY
Honey, you blew a lot of things just then.

GEOFF
I'm fucked.

MARY
You don't know the least of it, baby.

GEOFF
You fucked me, Jack. You fucked this entire show.

JACK
I did what I could.

GEOFF
It's over. I can tell that everything is over. This is going to be the last thing I ever create. And you'll keep going, and he'll keep going, and they'll keep going, but this is my end, my last hurrah, and it's awful. It's all over, Jack. There's nothing left.

ASHLEY
There was nothing left a long time ago, Honey.

MARY
You're almost as empty as he is.

JACK
I'll give you the next one, Geoff. This doesn't have to be your end. You can write my next one, just like we said we were going to do. I don't want any special credit, I'll just direct it.

GEOFF
No.

JACK
Please.

GEOFF
I don't want to "doom" you.

GEOFF goes.

Mary and Ashley both pull Jack into a hug.

MARY
You really did it.

ASHLEY
You were great.

MARY
Fantastic job.

ASHLEY
I've never seen anything better.

MARY
You really are just great.

JACK
It's onto the next one, I guess.

MARY
It doesn't have to be.

ASHLEY
Yes it does.

We are brought to a few weeks later, a few days before the Broadway opening.
We are in ANNE's kitchen.

PRODUCER, ROD, LOUIS, and ANNE are sitting talking.

ANNE
Will he be here for the opening?

PRODUCER
We haven't spoke.

ANNE
I understand why he's not exactly thrilled with it.

LOUIS
I don't think we can thank you enough.

ANNE
The payout is enough of a thank you.
(She laughs)
I could never say no to my baby brother. Or you, Louis. I mean, who wouldn't fly across the Atlantic to help their little baby brother?

Laughter.

I hope my fixes will at least let it work on a technical level. I don't think I could stand to see it fail because of that.

PRODUCER
They do. You're fantastic.

ANNE
What can I say? I love to win.

PRODUCER and LOUIS go, ROD starts to go and then stops, looking around the room.

ROD
I want to thank you again.

ANNE
It's nothing. You want a cup of coffee?

ROD
I'm going to ask you for another one.

ANNE
Two cups of coffee, coming up.

ROD
We screwed Geoff over. He brought in Jack to fix the show, and we pushed him out. We weren't going to work with him. That's why he's not here, it's why he's not around.

ANNE
Oh. I imagine that would make him angry.

ROD
Would you work with him again?

ANNE
Rod…

ROD
It's been a decade. He's learned his craft, he's evened out, this show is going to ruin his career.

ANNE
I don't think Jack could've fixed it.

ROD
Bring him in for the next one.

ANNE
What will I get out of it, kiddo?

ROD
I'll make sure it's one hell of a hit.

He kisses her cheek and then goes.

ANNE
You know, if he was my older brother, we wouldn't have these problems.

Back on the TALK SHOW.
GEOFF will not look at JACK, as they are sat with TALK SHOW HOST.
ASHLEY and MARY are there too.

TALK SHOW HOST
Welcome back to our series "Voices of The American Musical"
New musical, SPRING FOR US opened on Broadway last week. The times described it as, "The worst thing put to stage since humanity created theater" and "An American failure beyond comprehension" Despite this, tickets are still sold out due to the presence of the young star, Ashley Stevens Junior.
Tonight, we're here with the fantastic Jackson Ainsworth, whose show Kissing Me Quickly remains to run on Broadway, and the man of the hour, in contrast to Jackson Ainsworth, who wrote Spring for Us, Geoffrey O'Doherty.

Now, this series has mostly been dedicated to bringing in people to discuss theater in the most abstract, professional sense, and you two have worked together.

GEOFF
Twice. Very distantly. So typically I'd say that we don't really know each other.

TALK SHOW HOST
So I guess my team really didn't muck it up then.
What are your thoughts on Spring For Us? Do you agree with the critics?

GEOFF
(big, television smile)
I think Hans love is a hack who will, if the world is at all far, get struck by lightning any day now.

TALK SHOW HOST
A-hah-hah, that cynical humor of yours, very typical for the current generation of playwrights–

GEOFF
I'm completely serious.

TALK SHOW HOST
ooookay then, let's speak with Jackson Ainsworth here. Now you've been pretty far out of the public eye, but you do have kissing me quickly still running.

Jack doesn't answer.

Now, Jack here has been described by the Times as one of the best voices in American theater that's currently alive. Do you agree with that notion?

Jack doesn't answer.

Of course, to be that solidified on anything, might be a waste of your time. What do you think the future of theater is, either of you?

GEOFF
I don't think there is one–

JACK
What I can say, if you'll all let me speak here just for a moment, is that none of this matters and nothing I do or say or try or believe matters, because there are really only two options, but those two options are actually one option and that option is something neither of us has really processed, has really accepted, and theatre is a lot like this in that success or failure doesn't matter because either way someone will win, whether it's with money or with notoriety, and someone will lose, and so ultimately, no matter how much I want to create something, or he wants to create something, or I want to do anything, or he wants to do anything, or if any of this really matters, the only way out is to kill oneself.

TALK SHOW HOST
That is an interesting consideration–

JACK
So tonight, I'm looking at America, right in the mouth, and I'm going to say it, I'm going to kill myself tonight, and not a single one of you can stop me. You could hold me down, and I'd still find a way to do it. Because that's all that the world wants, it all he wants, and he wants, and you want, that would solve every single problem, every single thing is remade, reborn, and recreated when I kill myself, and finally everything will be as good as I know it can be, and you'll all look back and realize it, but only if I kill myself, which I'm going to do tonight.
In fact, I have a bottle of Valium in my pocket and I could down it right here and right now, on camera, and what would you do? Maybe it won't kill me, but you'd all know of the possibility that it could. The possibility is nice in itself, so if it fails, the moment I'm out of your sight, I can just try again, and again, and again, because that's what's meant for people like me, and like him, the world what's us two to die, and not by each other's hands, or by the will of God, but by ourselves. So I'm going to do that now, and he'll do it later, and the rest of you can watch!

BLACKOUT.

Just the chorus is lit.

CHORUS
You can only go up from here.